I Never Doubted

You know I'm a Ute fan, as manifest by this post made last year.

As soon as it was announced that Utah would play Alabama in the Sugar bowl, I doodled on my notebook here at work and did that same analysis for those two teams.

My results were as follows:

Utah scored more overall points throughout the year than Alabama.
Utah's games resulted in a larger spread of points than Alabama.
Alabama held their opponents to lower scores than Utah.

These results tell me a few things:

Utah has a better offense than 'Bama.
Utah has a great defense.
'Bama has a great defense.

But none of 'Bama's qualities came into the equation in the game. They were outplayed at every turn. Their QB was harassed to throw that ball EVERY time. Their QB was sacked 8 times. 8 TIMES. Utah held them to 31 rushing yards.

And Alabama's defense was rated so highly.

Whatev.

Utah remains undefeated. No other team in the country can say that. Utah is the best team in the nation. Period.

Pearson Party Palace

Generally we have a few Christmas parties at our house each year. This year was exceptionally crazy. There were MANY more parties at other places, which made it seem like a really insane year.

1. Pearson/Mackay (extended family) Christmas party: November 29th.
2. Pioneer Trek reunion dinner: December 13th.
3. Pearson family Christmas party: December 21st.
4. Yearly Youth Planning Meeting (church): December 27th.
5. New Year's Day Pearson/Mackay party: January 1st.

Here's a pic of what the basement looked like for party #3:

Excluding our trek reunion, we averaged about 40 people for each party. It's great to have a spacious room for all these events, and a full basement kitchen helps, but I think we'll cut back next year. :-)

Cheap Dates

My wife and I have never been super at dating. We go out a lot, but more often it's with friends. Recently we decided that we needed to go out on at LEAST 2 ONE-ON-ONE dates per month, more like 3 if I can help it. We quickly realized how expensive dating can be even without hiring a babysitter (thank heavens for that 12-year old). So we had to come up with some creative ways of improving our relationship.

Here are a few examples of our dates-of-late:

Ice Cream at Cold Stone: It's away from the house and doesn't cost any more than $10.

Matinee movie: Cheaper than evening movie.

Restaurants where a tip is not required, like Bajio or Chik-Fil-A (and they both have great coupons to save you bundles).

Something we did today was really cool. We called our favorite Mexican restaurant and ordered takeout. It cost $21.50 for a HUGE amount of food, PLUS chips and salsa. We didn't have to pay for drinks at $2.50 each OR give a tip to anyone. Then we brought the food home and ate in our little dining room in the basement while we sent the children upstairs to play. Even with the kids goofing off upstairs, it was quieter than the restaurant and we had one-on-one time for 45 minutes and didn't worry about kids or the baby. I also got to drink a can of Pepsi Max, which NO restaurant keeps in stock. DEE-lish.

Honestly, I love dating my wife in this creative way because neither of us have any guilt about spending so DARN much money and it makes things fun.

What sort of creative dates to you prefer?

Dummies and Burnt Popcorn

[names have been changed to protect the dummy*]



Microwave popcorn came out when? In the 80's? I know it was around at least as early as 1990, because I was in high school. That was before microwaves came with a "popcorn" button. The instructions were pretty simple and direct. "THIS SIDE UP" was pretty clear.

1. Center bag on turntable.
2. Set power on HIGH for 4 minutes.
3. LISTEN.
4. Stop microwave when popping slows to 1-2 pops per second.
5. Bag is HOT!!!

Pretty simple. Any dummy can do it.

Except Phyllis*. I work with her. She's believes that machines are perfect and remove the necessity of using your brain. She hits the "popcorn" button and walks away and every day we are treated to the smell of burnt popcorn wafting through the office and her complaints about "that stupid microwave."

Stupid microwave?

Pot, meet Kettle!

Top 10 Gun Safety Tips

10. Always keep your gun pointed in a safe direction, such as at a hippy or communist.

9. Dumb children may get a hold of your guns and shoot each other. If your children are dumb, put them up for adoption to protect your guns.

8. No matter how responsible he seems, never give your gun to a monkey.

7. If guns make you nervous, drink a bottle of whiskey before heading to the range.

6. When unholstering your weapon, it's customary to say, "Excuse me while I whip this out!"

5. Don't load your gun unless you are ready to shoot something or are just feeling generally angry.

4. If your gun misfires, never look down the barrel to inspect it. Have someone else do that for you.

3. Never use your gun to pistol whip someone. That could mar the finish.

2. No matter how excited you are about buying your first gun, do not run around yelling "I HAVE A GUN! I HAVE A GUN!"

1. And the most important rule of gun safety: Don't tick me off!

Mallory Elaine Benes

This is my daughter doing her crazy dance routine. It looks eerily familiar to someone else's routine...can't figure it out though...what think ye?

Simple Pleasures

My sister Melissa tagged me to put up 5 of my simple pleasures in life. It's no surprise that 2 of them involve food, since I love it SO.

First:
Since I am on the "Sugar Free" kick until hay fever season is over, I'll mention my favorite diet drink. Diet Pepsi Max.


Second:
Always side-by-side, I cannot drink my Diet Pepsi Max without a good dose of some Spitz Dill Pickle sunflower seeds:


Third:
I like to smell good. I have a half dozen cologne bottles and various body washes that I use. But the one I love the most is my Old Spice Red Zone VITALITY:


Fourth:
Guns. All guns. From my Marlin 1895 to my Springfield XD45...the gun I carry with me all day, every day:


Fifth:
I like the cold for various reasons. First, I served my mission in, like, the hottest place on the planet. Ecuador. I remember looking at the big digital thermometer in town one morning and saw the Celsius reading and thought, "I don't know what that converts to in Fahrenheit, but I'm going to remember that number." It was 44 degrees Celsius. That's 108 degrees Fahrenheit, WITH 100% HUMIDITY. Nasty, nasty weather. I also like the cold because it means allergies go bye-bye for 6-8 months. Nasty, nasty allergies. You'll often see me taking DEEP breaths outside when it is below 32 degrees. That cold air feels great on my lungs and reminds me that it is also hunting season. I love hiking around in some remote wilderness area searching for big game. I also love exercising in the cold weather. Last winter, I would run consistently every other day until the temperature got below 20 degrees. NICE!!!

Warning Labels & Fun Friday!!!

I have fun with this little site. It's a Warning Label Generator and you are able to create fun little gems like this for hours of laughs:







Have a try for yourself: http://www.warninglabelgenerator.com/

And a little video for your enjoyment. Caution: since this is an SNL skit, there a few 'lesser' cuss words. It's Kevin Spacey doing a GREAT Christopher Walken impression.

Once Per Month

Just a friendly little reminder to visit the temple of your choice this month. You know...whenever. No big deal.

The Simpsons

I was never allowed to watch the Simpson's when it came out in 1989. I never had an interest in the show until I went hunting last year with 2 Simpson's aficionados, Brad Hartman and Erik Finch. After quoting line after line after line from various shows, I was rolling with laughter for days. Mom, you may not like this, but I am now a Simpson's fan. Yes, I try to watch every rerun I can get my hands on (6:00 PM every weeknight on Fox). My favorite character has got to be Ralph Wiggum:


Here are a few Ralphie quotes to make you laugh, I hope:

"Dear Miss Hoover, You have Lyme Disease. We miss you. Kevin's biting me. Come back soon. Here's a drawing of a spirochete. Love, Ralph."

"Was President Lincoln okay?"

"I eated the purple berries. Ooowww...Uh.....oohhhhhh."
"How are they, Ralph? Good?"
"They taste like....burning!"

"My cat's breath smells like cat food."

"And when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more that was the happiest day of my life."
"Thank you, Ralph. Very graphic."

"Me fail English? That's unpossible!"

"Daddy, how come you're not at work?"
"I don't know. How come you're not at school?"
"My teacher says she's tired of trying."

Lisa: "I'm Annie Oakley!"
Nelson: "I'm Kevin Costner in one of his western roles."
Ralph: "I'm a gulch!"

"Mr. Army Man, I can't sleep without my Reggie Rabbit."
"Is that some sort of plush novelty?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Well, here's a scouring pad. It's just as good."
"It's cold and hurty!"

"I'm learnding!"

"Here's your scientifically selected career."
"Salmon gutter?!?!"

"Miss Hoover!"
"Yes, Ralph."
"I don't have a red crayon."
"Why not?"
"I ate it."

"Um...Miss Hoover?"
"Yes, Ralph, what is it?"
"My worm went in my mouth and then I ate it. Can I have a new one?"

"When I grow up I wanna be a principle or a caterpillar."

"Wah, ah, ah!"
"Sorry Ralphie, the bake off rejected your recipe."
"I wanna be in the bake off!"
"There, there, I think your grilled crayon sandwich is delicious!"
"You only had a pretend bite."
"No, I'm eating it, look!" [chomp, chomp, chew]
"Can you taste the thumbtacks?"
"Ah, crap."

GO SIMPSON'S!!!

Just me

Feel free to comment and tell me about yourself as well.

What characteristic do you strive for most? I don't like to be phony. I wear my emotions on my sleeve.
How do you treat a headache? 2,000 mg of Extra Strength Tylenol. That's right, 2,000.
How do you think birth order affected you as a child? 4th of 9 was good. I was in the 'older' group of kids.
What’s your worst habit? Nose picking in the car. It's like I shut the door, finger-in-nose. Open the door, finger out. Open, in, close, out. Uncanny.
What is your biggest regret? Not pursuing a career in theater.
What are you most proud of? I have no qualms about showing off my pretty wife and kids.
What are you good at? Ceramic tile.
What are you bad at? Drawing/painting.
What is spiritual to you? Birth and death.
What is depressing to you? When I truly hurt someone's feelings.
If you could change only one thing about the world, what would it be? The monkeys that have licenses and are allowed to drive on the Bangerter Highway every day.
You have a time machine and can go back to change one decision in your life. What is it? February 1987. 'Nuff said.
A lesson you learned early? That Jesus is a real guy.
A lesson you learned late? This life is the time...there is no other.


Best Season: Fall (hunting and cool weather)
Best Cell Phone Service: AT&T
Best Pre-schooler TV Show: Does Spongebob count here?
Best Movie: So, I Married an Axe Murderer
Best New-To-Me Musical Artist: Kerly...weird duck, but good tunes.
Best Re-Discovered Musical Artist: Scorpions (yes, the 80's rock band...thank you, Guitar Hero III).
Best TV Show: Scrubs
Best Day of the Week: Friday - too short for honey-do lists. I like that I can have a full workday and then go out with my wife that night...great contrast.
Best Poet: Huh?
Best Radio Personality: Jimmy Chunga
Best Book: The Gift of Fear or The Peacegiver (ironic?)
Best Disney Movie: Hercules
Best Fruit: Fish Tacos are fruit, right?
Best Homemade Lunch: A pile of rice with 2 fried eggs on top (runny yolks!)
Best Sunday Afternoon Activity: Rasslin' with the kids (you-can't-get-on-my-bed!)
Best Cheap Restaurant: La Luna
Best Kitchen Device: SHARP knives
Runner Up: Braun Hand Blender
Best Use of a Spare Moment: Texting one of my young men to remind them to stay out of trouble!
Best Splurge: A trip to the gun range.
Best Office Mate: Rick
Best DVD Rentals: Red box!!!
Best Store: Cabela's
Best Car Wash: The Phillips by my house
Best Cookie: GASP...You mean there are bad cookies in this world??? Chocolate, chocolate chunk.
Best Fast-Food: Crown Burger
Best Animal: Elk
Best Take-Out: Rice King
Best Mode of Travel: Plane
Best Feeling: Guilt-Free
Best International Food: Japanese
Best Idea I Ever Had: Hmm...ideas from this brain? That's a short conversation indeed.
Best Magazine: Peterson's Hunting. Whaddaya expect? I'm a guy!
Best Endangered Species: That spotted owl we ate last night.
Best Artificial Flavor: Cola
Best 100 Calorie Snack: Umm....that's an abomination.
Best Invention: Hot water heaters.
Best Condiment: Is salt a condiment?
Best Holiday: Christmas followed VERY closely by Halloween.