These are funny things I have collected regarding Chuck Norris and his immortal, indestructible self:
- There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
- Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
- When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
- Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
- Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
- There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
- Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
- Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a Delta Force marathon on Satellite TV.
- Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Forty seven times.
- Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.
- Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.
- Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.
- In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.
- The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
And finally:
- The chief export of Chuck Norris is PAIN.
- Chuck Norris and Superman had a contest to see who was tougher. Details are unknown, but the loser had to wear his underwear outside of his clothes.
- Remember The Ultimate Warrior? He quit wrestling because Chuck Norris wanted his nickname back.
- Chuck Norris doesn't have blood. He is filled with magma.
- The word 'Kill' was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'.
- Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.
- Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the light bulb turns on.
- Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.
- Chuck Norris once invited all of the other tough guys from TV to duke it out in order to see who was the supreme tough guy. Only two showed up-- Jack Bauer and MacGyver. MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart. Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.
- Jack Bauer has NEVER said: "You come back in here, I'm going to hit you with so many rights you'll be begging for a left." Invasion USA, a movie where terrorists were stopped by.... Chuck Norris.
CHUCK NORRIS PUT THE 'LAUGHTER' BACK IN 'MANSLAUGHTER'.
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