Ere You Left Your Room

I was speaking with a friend who mentioned he was making some major changes in his life. Neutral changes, but dramatic. When I pressed as to why he was doing it his answer was that he was losing his motivation to do much of anything. Hobbies he loved held no interest any more. I asked if he suspected depression was the culprit. His response was this: "Gotta be. At least it's fitting from what I'm finding on the Internet." His love for his family hadn't changed. His interest in church hadn't waned. He just felt...well, funky.

And then I mentioned my own funk. He was surprised and asked about how my own funk began and ended and the reasons surrounding it.

I don't think my problems had anything to do with depression. I've never had a problem praying to my Father in Heaven. I've prayed nearly every day for the past 20 years. I've had times where those prayers went no further than the top bunk and I've had times where it's felt like I was speaking to a real live person who was standing in the room with me. But the last few months had left me wondering again whether anyone was listening. It may sound trite, but I honestly felt like I was being ignored and stopped praying individually altogether. I could pray in public settings and in fanny-hone-eening and meal prayers, but personal prayer went out the window for a while.

You know what's weird? I've never doubted that God listens to my prayers. I have had many experiences where my prayers were answered immediately and in a manner that left no doubt in my mind that God heard exactly what I said. A few years back I had to go on a business trip out of the country. The passport I acquired for my LDS mission had yet to expire, so I knew I could use it. I was pretty sure where it was, so I didn't stress about finding it. The night before my business trip I went to grab the passport from its supposed location to find it was not there. I went into panic mode. We tore the house apart looking for the passport. No dice.

So I prayed.

As I said "amen" a vision came to my mind's eye of my sister Michelle's living room. In her living room was a box full of pictures which contained a shoe box with my passport inside it. I called Michelle to let her know I was coming over to get it and the business trip went just fine.

My buddy told me he hadn't prayed in 2 or 3 years. I wasn't really surprised, after all, my stint lasted for almost a year.

I know what the scriptures teach about prayer because I've taught those Sunday school lessons many times. 2 Nephi 32 tells us "For if ye would hearken unto the Spirit which teacheth a man to pray ye would know that ye must pray; for the evil spirit teacheth not a man to pray, but teacheth him that he must not pray."

I'm not sure what the whole point of this blog is except to relate a life experience, but did I lose anything by not having personal prayer for 9 months? I likely sacrificed a better relationship with my Father in Heaven. Other than that, I'm not sure. Maybe a lesser portion of the Holy Ghost in my life.

Did I gain anything by not having personal prayer for 9 months? Absolutely not.