Doubt Not, Fear Not

Your Mama and Other Jokes

2012-01-13T15:48:00.001-07:00

One time at work, I made a technical change to something and one of my co-workers asked "Who said you could do that?"

My reply: "Your mom."

He was shocked, to say the least, but I said it with a smile, both of us knowing it was a joke. It was also my way of saying "I know what I'm doing, so kiss my tuchus." (Tuchus is Yiddish for "butt".)

Lest we digress...

Another time, a different co-worker asked a similar question and I replied in like manner by referencing something about his mama. Even though I said it with a smile, it was made known clearly to me that I should not ever again make a "mama" joke around that individual. He was not happy.

Recently, I went on a "Your Mama" joke spree at work. Here are a few choice ones:

Your mama is so fat, I swerved to miss her and ran out of gas.
Your mama is so fat, every restaurant in town says "250 Patrons or YOUR MAMA."
Your mama is so fat, she puts her belt on with a boomerang.

Anyhoo...feel free to share some of your favorites.

And now for some more random thoughts....

1. This is the strangest winter I have experienced in Utah.
2. I like snow because it's cold and covers all the BROWN.
3. I did not get an elk on the hunt last fall, but an acquaintance gave me a deer.
4. I processed that deer and have about 30 pounds of venison in the freezer.
5. I am hoping to go elk hunting in Wyoming this fall.
6. With my friend Jeff.
7. I like my job a lot.
8. It can be scary at times, but it's really cool.
9. Kind of like being an F-16 pilot.
10. But not really.
11. I am going to take more training this year.
12. I'd like to be a certified BCFD.
13. Guess.
14. I was very disappointed in the end of the Ute's season this year, but they won their bowl, so that's a plus.
15. I made a huge snowman last week that used half the snow in my yard.
16. With the next snowfall, I am going to make a snowball large enough that it will THROUGH July.
17. I am thinking of going home early today.
18. My new job is more of a "thinking" job. A fair amount of planning and architecture work.
19. My kids are doing great.
20. We all got sick AFTER Christmas.
21. Blessings.
22. I have spent 2 Christmas Days in Instacares with children before.
23. This was a great year.
24. I made reachable resolutions.
25. This blog post has taken a long time to produce.
26. I think my wife and I are scheduled to have dinner with friends tonight.
27. Excited to get out.
28. Love my woman.
29. She hot.
30. I was recently honored for my "Innovative Designs" at work.
31. I am now the proud owner of a Droid.
32. SO totally cool.
33. I am making Cafe Rio Black Beans for Sunday dinner.
34. MMMMMMM
35. I love Mexican food.
36. Who am I kidding...I love ALL food.
37. Except fish jell-o.
38. I need to go brush my teeth.
40. Blech.
41. Marshall can't hear me.
42. He needs another set of tubes in his ears.
43. He is a cute little bugger.
44. Anyone know the ASIC configuration on a 48-port Brocade DCX bade?
45. I have been YM President for almost 5 years now.
46. Crazy.
47. There's no end in sight, as far as I can tell.
48. I went a solid week without tasting any food.
49. It's surprising that our taste buds only DETECT a general flavor, i.e. salt, sour, bitter, sweet, and umami, I am told.
50. Your nose has as much to do with taste as anything.
51. We are going to get rid of our Comcast TV service. Gonna watch all our TV over the interwebz.
52. And NetFlix.
53. My Droid is like carrying a PC in my pocket.
54. So space-agey.
55. I am getting older.
56. Old.
57. I did not shave today.
58. I hate shaving.
59. At least I have a nice razor to shave WITH.
60. I wear my coat for most my day at work.
61. I also wear thermals every day.
62. Probably because I have to park in NORTHERN WAZIRISTAN.
63. At least I have a job.
64. And I can smell.
65. I've been keeping a "tender mercies" journal.
66. Interesting to see how heavily blessed I am.
67. And how much the man upstairs cares about me.
68. I got a big poofy parka for Christmas.
69. WARM.
70. I sleep better when it's cold in my house.
71. Bryce is on track to be one of the fastest swimmer's in the state.
72. For his age, he's pretty $#%^ fast.
73. And Blake is right on track to follow in Bryce's footsteps.
74. I have a plantar's wart on my foot that I've frozen four times now.
75. I may have to resort to more drastic measures.
76. Anyone have a high-powered laser?
77. Your mom goes to college.
78. No, seriously, she was in my marketing class.
79. I like Your Mama jokes.
80. Eighty posts is all I had the heart for.

Thoughts 'n Random Shiz

2011-08-12T09:41:00.006-06:00

1. Shiz is actually a character in the Book of Mormon. He was the 2nd-to-last descendant of a huge civilization that came to North America shortly after the fall of the Tower of Babel.
2. We started substituting the word "shiz" for a similarly spelled swear word in high school. You know...in the same vein as "Fetch" or "Son-of-a-Biscuit-Eater".
3. I am hiking to Duck Lake soon for our annual trip and find myself daydreaming about it often.
4. My sister Melissa fixed my backpack, which I tore a couple months ago while working out.
5. It was filled with 50 pounds of food storage and I picked it up incorrectly.
6. RIIIIIIP......Oops.
7. I'm not real happy about the backpack ripping, since this thing cost a lot o' moola and should easily handle 75 pounds of elk flesh.
8. I need to go buy my elk tag soon. If they run out, I am hosed.
9. I went to Cabela's yesterday. First time in a long while.
10. Bought a new sleeping pad. 2 1/2 inches thick and 76 inches long. Dee-lish.
11. I could live at Cabela's.
12. Seriously.
12.1. I am not kidding.
13. I plan on living on mostly trout while at Duck Lake.
14. I am taking plenty of tin foil and lemon pepper. And butter.
15. MMMMMMM
16. Someone told me that there were still a lot of bugs in the Uinta Mountains of Utah, as of last weekend.
17. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
18. Mosquitoes were invented by the devil.
19. No, seriously. God said, "Hey, Lucifer, wanna do a little creating?" "Sure!", he said. And voila, mosquito.
20. Two of the four weeks I am given for vacation will have been used in the summer months this year, yet it feels like I have not done enough camping.
21. The elk hunt will make up for that.
22. I still love my job as much as I did the first day. Maybe more.
23. My co-worker just had a deviated septum fixed and a bunch of nasal polyps removed. Not here at work.....in the hospital. Yowchie.
24. I have been busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest lately and writing this blog entry is seriously cutting into my work.
25. I ran the boys at church through a shooting competition in June.
26. I beat them all.
27. I eat a fresh fruit smoothie made by my own hands each morning. And two pieces of wheat toast.
28. I've been eating extremely healthy for a couple months now and weigh around 184.
29. My weight has fluctuated between 180 and 190 since shortly after I was married.
30. Regardless of how I eat.
31. I think my metabolism is ROCK solid.
32. I *LOVE* Smashburger.
33. More than 5 Guys and WAY more than In-N-Out.
34. I haven't had a burger in several weeks.
35. I didn't bring any lunch to work today.
36. 'Cuz the stuff in the freezer at home didn't look very appealing.
37. Coke Zero Vanilla is my new beverage of the Gods.
38. I still enjoy a good Pepsi Max now and again.
39. But Coke Zero rocketh the proverbial cazbah.
40. I think I might sleep on my new sleeping pad for the next several days so that I am accustomed to it for Duck Lake.
41. Yeah....maybe not.
42. I have not been sleeping well lately.
43. I wake up every morning around 3:30 AM.
44. I had a Red Bull once. I burped a flowery taste in my mouth all day.
45. Bryce just registered for high school today.
46. These posts are just random enough that it might seem like I have been downing Red Bulls by the dozen.
47. I like trout.
48. Fishing is fun.
49. Elk meat is delicious and so very good for you.
50. My wife is a smokin' hottie.
51. I had to look up the word "vein" in the dictionary because I wasn't sure if I should use "vain", "vane", or "vein" in item #2.
52. I am still not sure.
53. I am a pretty good speller.
54. My son's teacher read a hand-written note from me once and was amazed that the writing could have come from a man.
55. She even called in other teachers to show them my penmanship.
56. Someone will inevitably find a spelling or grammatical error on this blog and point it out to me.
57. My sister Michelle dropped off two cases of Powerade at my house last week.
58. She's pretty charitable that way.
59. Sean and Kristi are the same way.
60. Such loving siblings.
61. I cannot type today.
62. Must be a syndrome of Friday.
63. I was asked to be a substitute for a High Councilman in my stake for a disciplinary council.
64. Turned out they didn't need me at the last minute.
65. Big *whew*
66. I haven't taken an allergy pill since June.
67. I have a meeting in 5 minutes and will not likely type another 33 items in this blog before that time.
68. I have major work to do today and should stop soon.
69. I would like to purchase a Spot locator for hiking in the back country.
70. They are expensive-ish. $100, give or take.
71. I am singing in my ward on August 21. It'll be a solo in sacrament meeting. My solo will serve as the closing hymn.
72. It's a lesser-known hymn that is played at the end of the movie 17 Miracles.
73. I am spending less and less time on Facebook.
74. It really doesn't fill any sort of "need" in my life.
75. 75's a good number to stop at.

Fire Pit of Glory

2011-08-10T10:07:00.000-06:00

Bryce and Blake have had several friends invite them over this summer to enjoy some s'mores at their fire pits in their back yards. With the NON-success and complete failure of our garden boxes in the past years, I decided to "remodel" the garden area and build a fire pit of our own. Nothing like making your home a place where all the neighborhood kids want to come to, right? Helps me keep a better eye on my own kids.

The pavers were a little pricey but well worth it.

We've had several shin-digs with friends and have roasted the heck outta some things. In fact, next month I will be cooking a pig in that pit for the ward luau. Totally excited.

Cunningham Muffins

2011-08-10T10:00:00.001-06:00

Years ago my boys discovered a YouTube video called "Cunningham Muffins". We've watched it about a zillion times. Marshall even enjoys it.

Mallory decided to do a shortened version of the video as a humorous interpretation for the school talent show. If you haven't seen the video, you can go to YouTube and watch it, or take my little synopsis:

Scene opens upon a little "lady" with a large plate of muffins:

"What would you like for breakfast, Johnny?"
"Muffins!!!"
"That's right! At Cunningham Muffins, we know that muffins make the BEST breakfasts! So why not try all of our exciting new flavors?!?"
"Apple."
"Pecan."
"Nut."
"Date-Nut."
"Orange."
"Banana."
Gooseberry."

Etc., etc.

She goes on and on with all their muffin options and then the list takes a turn for the weird.

"Bullfrog."
"Paperclip."
"Elephant."
"Fish."
"Newspaper."
Then she pops up with a flaming muffin: "FIRE!"
"Ink."
"Bird."
"Bits o' Glass Muffin! (chew-chew) OOOWWW!"

So here are our version of Cunningham Muffins. Mallory is quite the little actress and has good poise on stage.She had the kids rolling in the aisles.

Starting near Noon we have: Rock, Bits o' Glass, Carrots, ???, Pencil, Newspaper, Nut, Choco-Choco-Chip, Blood....paper clip is in the middle. Star Wars is next to paper clip. Fun stuff.

Bear Lake Scout Camp

2011-08-10T09:45:00.000-06:00

I've been the young men's president in my ward for nearly 5 years now. I've been on various camps and even try to go with my sons on their week-long camps when I can. The boys and leaders have raved and raved about Bear Lake for years. This year I finally went to Bear Lake with Blake and his troop. The Scout Master makes sure to secure THE premier spot in the whole camp, which has a large double-pavilion with 2 tables and a wide area for sitting. It also sits RIGHT next to the lake. Seriously, it's about 50 feet from the water's edge.

My blasted SD card reader is lost and I have yet to secure another, so all you get to see is a single grainy picture I took with my BlackBerry from our camp.

I cannot say enough good about the camp. It was as relaxing as any camp I've been to. We swam in the lake to our hearts content - like 4 times a day. The boys had plenty of free time between merit badge classes to just have fun. The only drawback is that there is REALLY good cell coverage, so I wasn't TOTALLY removed from civilization - which is what I prefer. There is a "leaders" building which has Wi-Fi and a bunch of large sectional couches. Somehow I found myself napping in them every day at 10:00 AM. Nice and relaxing. Just my style.

Justice and Mercy

2011-07-01T17:01:00.000-06:00

Justice and mercy are religious principles. In trying to understand justice and mercy more, I propose this little scenario which is mostly based off of Alma 42. Justice and Mercy are constantly playing a balancing act with each other. When we are born into this world we are guiltless and not accountable for our actions. Once we pass the age of accountability and commit a sin, we are immediately within the grasp of justice and we are subject to spiritual death. Our perfect spirits have been dirtied and “no unclean thing can inherit the kingdom of God.” (Alma 40:26) Unless repentance is made and we are provided a savior, we are lost to Heavenly Father. The price of the sin must be paid to satisfy justice and bring the scale back into balance. However, mercy cannot rob justice. (Alma 42:25)

This scenario might help to explain further. If an intruder comes, uninvited, into my house and threatens to hurt or kill my wife or children and I defend them by slaying the intruder, I believe I am justified and without guilt or blame. The intruder was punished for his actions by losing his life, which is fair and just. (D&C 98:31) I stand balanced on the scales of the Lord. I would still be permitted to enter the Kingdom since I have met the "minimum" requirement and have not tipped the scale in the negative.

Would the intruder also be justified and qualified for Heaven, since I meted out his punishment? No. His physical punishment might have been received at my hands, but he still has to repent and take the atoning offer from the Savior to make spiritual payment by obedience to the commandments. Mercy has no claim on the unrepentant. (Alma 42; Mosiah 2:38-39)

If the same intruder comes into my home and poses a threat to ME ONLY (my wife and children are out of the picture), I believe I would still be justified in defending myself. My salvation would be "balanced" still. I receive no reward in Heaven, but I am still not “in the negative” with the Lord.

However, if I were to turn the other cheek and NOT take any action against the intruder, two things occur:

1. My reward in Heaven is greater for having shown mercy to the intruder, even if it means giving up my life. I will not have simply qualified for Heaven and kept the justice/mercy scale evenly balanced, but would receive a greater reward for bringing no harm to him. I have returned mercy for evil and the mercy scale tips in my favor. (Romans 12:17-21; Matthew 5:7) “Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.”

2. The punishment of the intruder (by the Lord) is equal to the reward which I am promised. The amount of joy I receive after this life from my decision will equal the amount of punishment the intruder will receive as well. Otherwise, mercy would rob justice.

How much greater would my mansion be if I were to extend mercy all my days to my fellow men by "turning the other cheek" and forgiving them 70 times 7? The reward in heaven would be immense, to be sure. An hundredfold or more, is what the scriptures say I will receive if I bear it patiently. (D&C 98:25-26) If I turned the other cheek in relation to my wife or children, and let others bring harm to them, the reward can be great as well, but I am also commanded to protect my family. (Alma 43:47; 48:23-25, D&C 134:11, The Family: A Proclamation to the World – paragraph 7; D&C 98:23-48)

For those in the "we must ALWAYS be merciful” crowd, they might cite the story of the Anti-Nephi-Lehies and even use the Savior himself as an example of ALWAYS turning the other cheek. The Anti-Nephi-Lehies were a vile people: A people who delighted in the shedding of blood. They had committed numerous murders before being converted to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Once they were converted, they felt that if they were to raise their swords against another, even in defense of themselves or their families, that they would lose their salvation and be eternally damned. They apparently felt that the sins/murders they had committed in their lives were as much as any person could commit. (Alma 24:10-13) Perhaps they felt that the atonement "barely" covered their former sins? In this case, they had already tipped the "justice" scale so far into the negative, that their conversion and repentance and faithful obedience to the commandments for the duration of their lives was barely enough to tip the mercy side of the scale back to an "even" place. They spoke as if one more sin would send them to eternal misery. Thus, they buried their swords and even forfeited their lives to the Lamanites and refused to defend themselves. I am sure they experienced, as Alma the Younger had, that feeling of complete and utter joy in their conversion. The thought of killing a Lamanite while he was in his sinful state and sending his soul to hell was something they could not bear.

And what of the example of the Savior himself? He was spat upon, abused, and ultimately killed. He never once defended himself against abuse. He always turned the other cheek. (1 Peter 2:23) Did Christ ever defend another’s safety physically? Yes. Peter drew his sword and smote off the ear of the man who was going to lay hands upon Jesus. (Matthew 26:51) The Savior rebuked Peter and told him to put away his sword. He even went so far as to heal the wounded servant. (Luke 22:51) He saved a woman from being stoned. (John 8:1-11)

The scriptures contain stories where killing is justified and even commanded of the Lord. (1 Ne. 4:10, 1 Samuel 15) Prophets that obey are not only justified, but blessed for having obeyed these commandments.

Needless to say, it behooves us to judge correctly in times like this. Does carrying a gun around all the time to defend myself and my family mean that I am relying on the arm of the flesh? (2 Ne. 4:34; 28:31) No. I believe that scripture reference is in relation to where we gain knowledge. That we gain truth and wisdom from the Spirit of God and not from mankind and putting trust in the Lord and His will, not our own. I refuse to walk around defenseless in this world. I do not want to see my family suffer more than is necessary for their Salvation. If I have to shoot a baddie or two to keep my family on earth with me a little longer, then so be it. I do not fear man. I also do not fear that I will be judged in the wrong for taking a man’s life in self defense. Killing is always a last resort – like war. I seek not to destroy anyone. I renounce war and proclaim peace. (D&C 98:16)

Therefore, If you, like me, choose to live your life meting out justice to bad guys instead of turning the other cheek, you’d better make damned sure you have a heavenly bank account chalk-full of good works to make up for it in the end.

Sheesh

2011-06-13T16:26:00.000-06:00

I'd call that a blogging drought.

This has been one of the craziest and most eventful years of my life. I will try to chronicle it with a few posts. Bear with me. Or is it "bare"?

Hahahahahahahahaaaaa!

Best. Painter. Ever.

2011-01-12T16:07:00.001-07:00

I was introduced to Carl Bloch's work by a high school Humanities teacher: Mr. Frank. Love that guy.

Anyhoo, Bloch's work is outstanding. He was born in Copenhagen, Denmark May 23, 1834 and died February 22, 1890. My Church has used his paintings extensively in our buildings and publications. My favorites would be Casting Out Satan, Cleansing the Temple, and Healing at the Pool of Bethesda. Sermon on the Mount is also impressive. What am I saying....everything this guy did was impressive! Once you see one of his paintings, you'll have no problem recognizing others. He has a style all his own.

BYU has many of his paintings on display right now. You can reserve FREE tickets to the museum here.

Anyhoo....hope you enjoy!

Carl H. Bloch

Why Winter Suits Me

2010-11-30T03:47:00.001-07:00

I have been accused of hating summer. I might go a step further and jump right into I HATE SPRING AND SUMMER! Or I LOVE FALL AND WINTER!

Many people question my sanity. Nay...my very HUMANITY is doubted when I relish in cold, wintry days that leave a foot of snow on my driveway. I might have also covered some of these items in a previous post, but I don't care. It's worth recording again for posterity's sake.

1. Spring and summer equate to allergies and allergies were invented by Satan himself.

2. Summer is hot and I served my LDS mission in a place that was hotter than the place where Satan calls home.

3. I can't hunt in the summer or spring. Momma bears and momma deer and momma elk are nursing their young in the spring to get them nice and big and fat and juicy. And delicious. Just in time for the fall hunt.

Did I mention that summer was hot? I nearly died several years ago on a campout with our scouts. We were hiking to Lake Blanche on a 100+ degree day and near the top I met the Grim Reaper. He stood at my feet while other people fussed about me, shoving water and Gatorade down my throat. My entire body shook as my heart tried to pump Ragu through my veins and my hearing came and went. Mr. Reaper slowly faded away as I was nursed back to health. Summer is hot and I HATE the heat.

In elementary school I was the kid who laid on the grass at recess in December and watched the snowflakes fall slowly to the earth. It's like the world suddenly opens up for me. I can breathe better and my nose is not stuffy. The snow falling to the earth feels like a cool blanket of cozy deliciousness. If I were a superhero, I would be Mr. Freeze. You know? The guy played by Arnold Schwarzenegger in Batman & Robin? Yeah, THAT guy. When anything falls from heaven, be it rain or snow, I am happy.

Daughters

2010-08-20T11:26:00.004-06:00

This was my birthday card from Mallory. Such a nice girl.

Yes, that's a penny. And yes, I'm an "oldey".

3 Months, 8 Days

2010-07-19T12:46:00.008-06:00

I think that's the longest I have gone without posting an entry on my blog. Honestly, there are MUCH more important things in anyone's life than this dumb blog. Or Facebook.

Since I posted last we've had a few adventures. Here's the Top 50 latest and a few random thoughts.

1. I am enjoying my new job with unabashed glee.

2. It's a great place to work with really great people. I work for a mid-sized bank doing exactly what I did for my previous employer, but with greater responsibilities and expectations.

3. We sold our minivan and purchased something my LARGE children will fit into. When I say "large" I mean TALL, not fat.

4. It's got more leg room than just about anything out there. And believe me, I've sat in them all.

5. It fits 8 adults very comfortably.

6. We took a little family vacation.

7. And will take another one very soon.

8. We replaced our trampoline so that the kids wouldn't drive us crazy this summer.

9. My kids are driving Lisa crazy, but that will come to an end when they go back to school in a week.

10. Bryce is going to the Water Polo Junior Olympics in California.

11. We celebrated Independence Day by making an attempt to light the asphalt on fire.

12. Skunked again.

13. I still enjoy Pepsi Max.

14. Like, way.

15. I can't find Pepsi CeaseFire anywhere. Makes me mad. It's Pepsi Max with lime.

16. I am playing in a charity golf tournament in September with my boss.

17. I haven't golfed in at least 3 years.

18. Got some used left-handed clubs off Craig's List for dirt cheap.

19. One of my children is grounded today. No friends. No XBox. No nothin'.

20. I am still enjoying my calling in the ward. Longest calling ever...3 years, 4 months.

21. Bishop says I'll be in for at least another 18 months.

22. My former boss got a job after being unemployed since October 2008 (1 year, 9 months).

23. I brush my teeth at work, after lunch.

24. We sold our minivan for ca$h to a Mexican who was using it to move he and his family back to Mexico.

25. His name was David and didn't speak a lick of english.

26. I have a sprinkler valve box torn apart on the side of the house that is driving me crazy. I am secretly hoping that winter will come and I can turn off the water before I have to deal with it.

27. I do not like 95+ degree weather.

28. Blake went to scout camp this morning - Camp Steiner - the highest elevation scout camp in the nation (10,400 feet above sea level).

29. I was supposed to go with him, but the new job prevented it.

30. I took Blake fishing Saturday to teach him the basics for scout camp. I pray he catches a fish.

31. Our varsity scouts went to East Fork of the Bear in late June and got snowed on. Heavily.

32. A guy on my team (at work) resigned today. No two-week notice. Called my boss and quit on-the-spot.

33. Got experience with Veritas NetBackup?

34. I am totally convinced that nobody in Utah has a clue why we have a constant rise and fall in gasoline prices.

35. I believe it to be a HUGE conspiracy with billions of dollars involved.

36. And that's not just because I drive a gas-guzzler.

37. I am actually excited to drive 600 miles with my kids next month. In comfort.

38. I am going to Milford, Massachusetts for a week of training.

39. I will eat lots of seafood in MA. Like every meal.

40. I am installing an O/S upgrade for my BlackBerry. Holy forever, Batman!

41. I am looking forward to a date with my wife this weekend.

42. I am on call right now.

43. I shouldn't say this, but I have yet to be paged for anything in the past 6 days.

44. My boss is moving to a new office today down the hall.

45. My boss does not know about this blog, but I can honestly say he's a great boss.

46. Summer is half way over. Yay.

47. I bought Blake a fishing license last week.

48. I like Eclipse spearmint gum.

49. I saw the new Twilight movie and enjoyed it.

50. I saw The Last Airbender with my boys and loved it.

A Little Blue?

2010-04-11T16:03:00.004-06:00

I'd like to introduce you to someone...

He's the newest member of the BLUE MAN GROUP!!!

Deep Water & Tender Mercies

2010-04-03T21:38:00.008-06:00

"EMC can replace failed hardware in 4 hours. What can you give us?"

The HP representative was trying to sell us some new disk array. 'It'll make ham and eggs and butter your toast!' Psssh.

"We can have the hardware to you within 24 hours."

"Unacceptable."

My brand new company-provided Blackberry was on speaker phone as I worked from home. A second engineer piped up and began arguing about the poor service-level agreement provided by HP. "You've got to do better than that..."

I felt secure. Two weeks prior, I received one of the most stellar reviews of my career. My bosses were very pleased with my performance and noted that I had "significantly exceeded" their expectations that year. They made special note that I alone had saved the company at least $700,000 in the past 12 months. I was on cloud 9 and happy with my job...and the raise in salary.

Another call rang through. "Guys, I'll be right back, looks like a call from Operations." I didn't recognize the number, but knew it came from the data center. I placed them on hold and the blah-blah-blah continued.

"Storage Engineering, this is Lance."

"Lance, this is Henry..."

That's about all I heard. Henry is my boss's boss's boss, so I knew this wasn't good.

"...sorry to do this over the phone...position terminated...reduction in force...economy...blah-blah."

My heart was pounding in my throat. It felt like he kicked me off a cliff. The free fall was agonizing and I was nearly in tears. As he relayed a final instruction I was thinking of the tiny boy in my arms who had just fallen asleep. It was 10:56 AM, March 18. Marshall's heavy breathing and cute little face kept me in the here-and-now. I hung up with Henry and sat there, stunned. "What the heck just happened?"

It took me a couple hours to gain control of my fear. I had many a friend and neighbor - even my own family - who were out of work and struggling to stay afloat. My former boss was laid off in October 2008 and has yet to find a job.

By that evening I had a plan. I updated and modernized my resume and posted it all over the web. My good friend had a good lead or two.

Friday morning dawned with another call from Todd. "I think there's an open position for you at Zions. Call this guy and check it out." He sent my resume as well as a recommendation to their recruiter. The recruiter asked me to come to an interview at 2:30 PM that day.

Holy shnikees!!! 24 hours after being laid off and I already had an interview? Then another call came in. A position had opened up with EMC. I had a phone interview RIGHT there.

I had to go into my old office and turn over my laptop and Blackberry and clean out my desk. I signed the necessary paperwork and walked out the door and drove around the corner for my interview. Literally half a mile down the street. After an hour with Jeff he asked me to come back for a follow-up interview on Monday. And then a 2nd interview with EMC too. By Monday afternoon I had an offer from Zions...only 2 business days had passed. I floundered in the deep waters of unemployment for 2 DAYS. I almost felt guilty. Maybe guilty isn't the right word. I was so extremely grateful but also very aware that I had just dodged a big, fast-moving bullet. I was nothing special. Much better people than me were unemployed.

As that emotional weekend passed, I stopped in my tracks several times and was allowed to feel the assurance that many people were praying for me. Their love and concern took my breath away. The Lord was showing me His tender mercies. Of one thing I am confident: New job aside, I know God loves us. He made it clear that He knows me intimately.

The new career is great and I'm loving every minute of it.

Word-of-mouth being so important, if anyone needs some remodeling or roofing done, I know some very talented people. [wink]

A Suspicious Eye

2010-03-10T12:12:00.005-07:00

A few years back my friend, a lawyer, was working on some huge project in his office with all the other attorneys and nobody had a chance to get out for lunch. So Dave* left to pick up some sandwiches for everyone. The office manager went with him to help carry the heavy load. The sandwich shop was literally across the street. They walked across the street, bought the sandwiches, and walked them back to the office together. When he got home from work that night his wife asked, "Who were you with at lunch?"

Dave's wife had driven through the area at the exact moment he walked across the street for lunch. There wasn't a whole lot of suspicion in her voice. After all, the office manager was 60+ years old and she would never suspect her 30-year-old husband of having an affair with the grandmotherly type.

He was stunned at the question. He hadn't thought twice about it. He explained the situation and his wife was more than understanding. However, he felt uncomfortable for having put the thought of infidelity into her head in the first place.

On one extreme you have my former bishop. Were he driving through the neighborhood in a blizzard and noticed a woman from his ward trudging through the snow, he would kindly wave as he drove by, never offering a ride.

On the other hand, I have co-workers who are married and don't think twice about going to lunch with someone of the opposite sex. Alone.

Do you practice 1 Thessalonians 5:22? "Abstain from all appearance of evil."

I know what I think. What is your opinion?

(*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.)

Ooooo! That Drives Me CRAZY!!!

2010-03-09T12:44:00.003-07:00

I watched a video this morning that made my blood boil. It was from our security cameras. Two women drove a black truck into our parking lot last Friday, parked, walked up to the building, got back in their truck, hit my boss's car, and then drove away. And there's no way it wasn't intentional. Here's a diagram of the parking lot:

The women are the vehicle marked with an "O". My boss's car has the "X". They backed out of their spot, all the way across the driveway, into his car, pulled around the lot, checked out the damage they caused, and then drove away.

Their trailer hitch caused about $1,000 damage in his brand-spanking-new Honda Accord. And the security cameras are not a high enough resolution to get the license plate number or even a more detailed description of the criminals.

Those are the people I'd punch in the face.

What's With the Dreams?!?

2010-02-26T09:46:00.003-07:00

I have been dreaming like CRAZY lately. I'll bet I went a solid year or two without having a really memorable dream. I guess the dream experts say that we always dream, but remembering a dream is something special. And the dream wasn't anything crazy, just interesting. You know that part of the movie in Harry Potter #4 where they set up their little ol' tent at the Quidditch World Cup but the INSIDE of the tent is huge? In my dream I walked into my neighbor's house and he had an entire stadium of wooden platforms with musicians seated, ready to play some big symphony. I walked in right as they were warming their instruments and getting ready to strike the opening chord.

Pretty cool. But there was no flying.

It's OK to Swear in French, Right?

2010-02-24T23:26:00.008-07:00

Since Marshall spilled a bottle of bleach on the hall carpet, we've wanted to re-tile the entry way and include the hallway as well. Heck, we were going to rip up the wood floors in the kitchen and put down the same tile. I was kind of tired of the old tile anyway. We looked at several tile places and finally decided Home Depot had the color we liked the best...not to mention the price. So I scheduled a full week of vacation.

Then Mallory slipped.

I had just mopped the entry way and she went running across the tile....and fell flat on her face. Her lip gushed blood for several minutes. It also cut her gum line straight across her two missing front teeth that had yet to break through the gum line. They have since broken through and appear sort of jagged...chipped from the fall.

GRRRRRR.

We didn't think it was a coincidence, so we decided to only re-tile the entry way and NOT do the hall. Or the kitchen. Whew. After all, how many times do your kids run from the bathtub into their bedrooms with wet feet? Mine do it every single day so we were foreseeing many disasters with a tiled hallway.

Here's the before/after pics:

I can be hired. For cheap.

Recurring Dreams

2010-02-23T12:24:00.002-07:00

I ask people all the time if they ever have recurring dreams. Or dreams that have a similar theme over and over. When I was little I had a strange dream several times. I dreamed that I was standing in the "yellow" bathroom in the Tamra Drive house and some dude with Stretch Armstrong arms reached into my parents bedroom window, stretched into the bathroom, where I stood in the doorway, and abducted me. He threw me into the back of his truck and took off. I couldn't jump out because he was going too fast. In one of the dreams he stopped real sudden-like and I flew over the hood of the truck and woke up before I hit the ground.

I also dreamed several times that I lay captive in some strange old house, strapped to a red velvet couch. Some scary dude was sitting next to me trying to inject something into me, but I always woke up after I escaped into his backyard. Just a dirt pile, rock-strewn backyard where I hid.

Those were the scary dreams.

Then there were the good dreams where I could breathe under water or fly. My last several dreams have been that I could jump insanely high. And I was LIGHT. I jumped to the top of a 50-foot cottonwood tree, swung through the branches and landed back on the ground as if I were nearly weightless. That must be what the moon feels like.

Blake tells me that he often has dreams that lead into each other. Like one night he's dreaming and the next night it picks up right where it left off the previous night. He also tells me he thinks all dreams have some meaning to them. Perhaps.

Me, I think they are likely just a manifestation of the random jumble of emotions we have experienced over the previous few days. I have other theories about dreams as well. Like the theory that we dream in the future. Why do I say that? Have you ever heard a noise and had it become part of your dream that is already in progress? I have. I can be dreaming along and hear a noise in the house and its place in my dream fits as if it were planned. I know this is all weird, but these are the things I'm thinking about today.

Another thing...I love it when I type out a blog entry and then hit the "spell check" button to discover that I have NO misspellings. Awesome!

Utahnics

2010-02-05T09:01:00.003-07:00

Jeetchyet? Skweet! Skillit! Javnee...and one of my favorites, Toosdee.

Do you speak it? Do you know what these words mean? If you're from Utah, you should be fluent. Let me use them in a sentence for you:

1. I'm starvin...jeetchyet? Skweet over 't the Del Taco.
2. Joo see that squirrel?!? Skillit with yer .22!
3. I got bad breath...javnee gum?
4. Is today Wensdee? Nope, Toosdee.

We have a gas station here in the Mountain West called "Maverik." Yes, that is the correct spelling. In fact, I work a block away from the busiest, highest-grossing Maverik in the nation. That's saying something considering they have 200 stores with over a billion $$$ in sales.

Anyhoo, I bring up Maverik because they have TV and radio commercials with a spokesman who is obviously a Utah native and speaks with a HEAVY Utah accent.

I don't like it. It sort of gives me the heeby-jeebies to hear that accent. Almost worse than listening to an Australian accent. Almost. I feel like I have NO accent, as manifest by this test:

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The West Your accent is the lowest common denominator of American speech. Unless you're a SoCal surfer, no one thinks you have an accent. And really, you may not even be from the West at all, you could easily be from Florida or one of those big Southern cities like Dallas or Atlanta.
The Midland
Boston
North Central
The Inland North
Philadelphia
The South
The Northeast
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

What accent do you have?

Dream Come True

2010-02-04T09:30:00.002-07:00

I had a dream come true a couple years ago. Since I was young I have dreamed many times of a world filled with water. My house is filled with water up to the ceilings and I am swimming around in my house going up and down the stairs and up to the highest ceiling, just having a blast. Nothing's floating around like you would expect. Everything's just sitting there, as if there were no water. And I can breathe. The water. Just like in that movie The Abyss.

That's not to say that my dream coming true was that my house flooded ala Hurricane Katrina and I was swimming in it, NO.

I went SCUBA DIVING!

We took the young men to Scuba Utah and they gave all of us a little 1 hour introduction to scuba diving. Then, in December, we took them to Sport Chalet and did another class with a different group. SO much fun!

Maybe I was meant to be an underwater welder or something?

And lest you think it is too expensive, Sport Chalet offers a FREE 30 minute family introduction to scuba diving. I think it's every 3rd Saturday, but you'd need to call and make a reservation. Your kids would love it!

Pacifier, Binky....Potato, Pa-totto

2010-01-29T11:37:00.004-07:00

I think 2 years old is a good age to get rid of the binky dependency. For US, that is. If your babies have theirs longer, I really don't care. We judge NOBODY for how they raise their kids cuz every kid is different!

We've adopted a little tradition with all of our babies. Before the age of 2 we'll snip off the end of their binky with some scissors. Then the next week we'll snip off a little more and a little more until it's just a nub of silicone they can't even bite.

Without exception they all look at their binkies and sort of say to themselves, "Meh. Who needs it?!?"

After we snipped off the last little bit or Marshall's bink, he looked at it, said "Broken!" and walked over to the garbage and threw it away.

Woot!

Crisp and Fresh

2010-01-21T10:58:00.003-07:00

I like to breathe. Breathing makes me happy.Especially when I DON'T have to breathe THIS stuff:

Lately I've been cranking up the heater in my car and rolling down the windows so I can breathe all of this delicious goodness that comes when a good storm scours the muck out of the valley. When the inversion sets in, I kinda forget that I live among these beautiful mountains, 4,500 feet above sea level.

[sniiiiiiiiiiiffffff.......AHHHHHH]

ZZZZZ or a General Lack Thereof

2010-01-19T14:30:00.003-07:00

For almost 5 years I worked a night shift job from 7 PM to 7 AM. It was a great job that gave me flexibility because I had 3-4 days off per week. However, it was the start of sleeping problems for me. I would get home around 7:30 AM and go straight to bed until somewhere between noon and 2 PM. Then I'd have 3-4 days off where I would have to switch back to a NON-VAMPIRE schedule of sleeping at night.

I think I perpetually confused my body. And it has yet to overcome it.

I could go without sleep...I'm surprisingly functional without it. Six hours is all I need. But I reach a point where too little sleep over time makes me prone to migraines and general nastiness accompanied by cursing, wailing, and gnashing of teeth. And there's only so much I can accomplish in the wee hours of the night that wouldn't disturb the sleeping masses. And as much as you'd like to believe it, there is only so much TV to watch or books to be read before insanity sets in.

So I visited my medicine man and he had me try every kind of sleep medication on the market. Some just plain didn't work or left me drowsy all the time or helped me fall asleep but not STAY asleep. Until my beloved Ambien came along.

If you've ever read the warnings on the Ambien label, they read something like this:

* Take Ambien RIGHT before laying down.
* Seriously, you'll regret it if you don't.
* Ambien may cause sleepwalking.
* And you won't remember sleepwalking or anything that happened while you sleepwalked.
* Most common side effects are drowsiness and diarrhea.

.....wait....what was that last one???

Drowsiness AND diarrhea? Yikes...hate to be the .05% of the population with THAT combination of side effects.

But it works for me. I've never done anything crazy or had any crazy dreams or what-not with Ambien. In fact, I've been woken several times by barfing children or bumps in the night and felt perfectly normal. 99% of my nights pass in a dreamless blissful state of ZZZZZZZ.

Certified Delishussness

2010-01-14T11:22:00.003-07:00

Since a couple of you asked, here is the recipe to the best dinner rolls you've ever had. Heck, we eat them for dessert they're so darn good. They are called Idaho Potato Rolls because they are actually from a REAL Idaho potato farmer's wife. As with any recipe, you don't have to be absolutely exacting with the ingredients. Oh....and this recipe is HUGE, so feel to half or quarter it...I do quite often.

Mix:
4 Cups mashed potatoes (or hydrated potato pearls)
1 Cup margarine or butter (2 sticks)
4 eggs
1 Tbl. salt
2 Tbls. yeast dissolved in 2 Cups warm water
2 Cups sugar

After ingredients are mixed thoroughly, add 12-14 Cups of All Purpose flour. You can use bread flour as well, but it doesn't taste as good for some reason. You gotta knead that dough until it's smooth and not-too-sticky. Cut into 4 EQUAL sections of dough and roll each one like a pizza. Cover with melted butted and use pizza cutter to slice into equal pieces (about 16 rolls per section). Roll them up from outside-to-in and place on baking sheet. Let rise and bake at 350 degrees until golden brown.

I don't tell you the time because my 2 ovens can vary in cooking time by 15 minutes or more.

For cinnamon rolls, make the bread as above, but cut dough into halves only. Using a rolling pin, flatten each portion to a rectangular piece and cover with butter, sugar, and cinnamon (to taste). Roll it up lengthwise and cut into individual rolls....about 1-2 inches thick. Doesn't matter, really.

Icing: (in a mixer)
5 Cups powdered sugar
1 1/4 Cups butter
1/8 tsp. salt
Evaporated milk until mixture is smooth

Put a large dollop of icing onto each roll right after they come out of the oven so it gets nice and melty. Consume to your heart's content.

Expect the Unexpected

2010-01-12T10:21:00.006-07:00

As parents of 4 children we thought we had seen everything. We thought we had witnessed all things barfy and poopy. All things disgusting and weird. We thought we were professionals.

Then he came along...

Such a cute kid. In this picture I had just picked up a couple pizzas. He cried and cried "pippi" until I gave in and handed him some piping hot deliciousness. That's him blowing on it to cool it off.

A couple weeks ago he started crying intermittently and grabbing the lower right part of his tummy. He would double over in pain, then it would pass. Being the experienced parents that we are, we had never dealt with such strange stomach issues. I kept thinking it was his appendix. Everything in the poop department seemed fine. So Lisa took him to the doctor and he sort of shrugged his shoulders and said, "Welp, better run him up to Primary!"

We're old hats at Primary Children's Medical Center. We've been dozens of times.

The ultimate diagnosis? Constipation. He was full of poop.

So they grabbed an IV bag, filled it with milk and molasses, stuck it up his rear and in 30 minutes we were on our way home with one tuckered little kid.

And now for the binky. Traditionally we try to have our children off of habit-forming substances before the age of 2. Sometimes WAY earlier than that. Marshall has one word that could be used to describe 3 different things. The word is "beepee" and can either mean "binky", "blankie", and/or "sippy". They sound alike yet all 3 can bring the same level of comfort individually. Judging by this picture, I'd say this boy has an addiction. Wouldn't you? We're thinking about an intervention and rehab.

Yes, every child is different, but I'm tellin' ya...this kid is breaking the mold.

Bread

2009-12-28T13:31:00.002-07:00

I made rolls for for the week of Christmas and cinnamon rolls for our now-annual Christmas morning breakfast for the kids. The cinnamon rolls are just my Idaho potato roll recipe and the icing has butter, powdered sugar, vanilla, and evaporated milk. I gotta tell ya, they were the best cinnamon rolls I've ever had. Thanks for the recipe, Mom!!!

Of course, we had to try one when they came out of the oven to make sure they tasted OK.

Telling the Truth

2009-12-17T09:09:00.002-07:00

I apologize for taking so long to reply to the previous poll. The week before Christmas is generally full of hours and days and minutes of insanity.

But I digress...the winner of said poll was "Telling the Truth", so here we go.

Sometimes Lisa will ask me whether such-and-such a blouse looks good with such-and-such pants. Or if "these shoes go with this outfit", etc. I am honest in my opinions because when put on the spot, I have a very hard time hiding my response. You can see it in my face...it's painfully obvious.

There's a saying that goes like this: "If you don't have a better solution, don't criticize."

So instead of just saying, "No, those shoes look terrible with that outfit", I offer something a little easier to swallow. "I think your black heels would look MUCH nicer."

However, I only offer my opinion WHEN ASKED. I can't just come home from work at 4:30 and say, "Wow. That shirt you're wearing looks really bad with that jacket." When someone ASKS for your opinion, they have generally braced themselves for possible bad news and they're just looking for validation...a 2nd opinion to verify what they're already suspecting. Make sense? If you offer your opinion when it's not sought out, you are looking for trouble.

Pick-Your-Topic

2009-12-09T14:24:00.007-07:00

I have friends that have done this before and thought I'd give it a whirl. There are a couple blog topics that I'd like to write about, so make a choice and vote (via a comment) about the topic you'd like to hear about.

Leftover Food
Middle-Eastern Mentality
Ambien
Telling the Truth
Or we can further beat that decrepit, stinky, dead horse: Warranties!!!

Voting will close Monday morning.

Monopoly

2009-12-02T11:38:00.011-07:00

It's a little-known secret, but there is no love lost between me and the Boy Scouts of America.

As the president of my LDS ward's Young Men's organization, I am in charge of a budget. Expenditures for all camp-outs and activities are funneled through me. Our budget (including a fundraiser) for 2009 was around $5,500. That includes a week-long camp for the 12-13 year-old boys. And mind you, we have about 35 boys, so we're spending about $150 per boy each year.

Guess how much of that money went to the Boy Scouts of America???

******** $3,600 ********

That is unacceptable to me. That is 65% of my yearly budget that goes straight to BSA coffers. If I were to start my own "scouting" organization and compete directly with the BSA, I guaran-dang-tee you I could be a millionaire in NO time.

We held a court of honor in October to honor the boys and the merit badges they earned over the past 4 months or so. Guess how much those freakin' badges cost us? 350 smack-a-roos! For little cloth badges!!!

Perhaps that is the price we pay to build young men????

I tell you what.....I can think of cheaper ways to build young men. Freakin' racket.

Dib-Nee-Lan'

2009-11-27T15:55:00.007-07:00

Remember the days when you'd see some dude win the Super Bowl and some camera was right in his face shouting, "Walter Payton, you've just won the Super Bowl! What are you going to do next?!?"

"I'm goin'a Dib-Nee-Lan'!!!"

Well, we won the Super Bowl, so we went to Disneyland. I don't know what that's supposed to mean, but it sounded better in my head. The first and only other time we went, we drove. Everything was awesome...except for the driving. I swore in my wrath that our family would never drive the Road to Disneyland again. My children don't drive well. You might literally see the flames of the Infernal Pit exiting the crevasses of our van when we go on road trips. Grrr. So we flew JetBlue and it ROCKED.

Like I said in an earlier post, I only took 272 pictures. Only. It might have been more, had the camera not suffered an ignominious death on the concrete ground of Universal Studios.

I'm not sure why, but I didn't break out the camera until we actually hit the park. On the first day Marshall got to visit and hug Winnie the Pooh. He loved Pooh. He hugged him over and over and over.

The next morning we went to Goofy's kitchen for brunch. Holy shnikees. If you have the money and the opportunity, please visit Goofy's kitchen. Every single Disney character you can think of will come to your table and sit with the kids and get pictures, etc. Marshall also chased Goofy around the restaurant and hugged him. I think he might be Goofy's first stalker. It got a little scary. Oh, and the food is...I.....uh....wha....words cannot express. It is SO good.

Guess what the longest wait was for a ride during the week of Halloween? 'Bout 10 minutes for Indiana Jones and 25 minutes for the Toy Story ride. Everything else was nearly a straight walk-through. BEST time to go!!!

We stayed at the Howard Johnson just down the road. It took about 10 minutes to get from hotel to park entrance. The first time we went we stayed at the Disneyland Hotel. The walk from the Disneyland Hotel was longer than the walk from the HoJo. 'Twas awesome, PLUS we got a kids suite which is essentially another room with a set of bunk beds and a fold-out bed. Way coolio.

We hopped between parks every day and just had a blast for 3 days.

The 4th day we visited the beach (Corona del Mar) and had a blast in the 56 degree water. NIPPLY!!! Blake found this live mussel:

On the 4th night we went to a Knight's Dinner. This was the knight we cheered for:

Yes, that's the back of his head. He was the first knight killed by the "bad guy". We got served ribs and chicken and soup and bread and ate it all with our hands. Yup, drank the soup right from the bowl.

The last day we visited Universal Studios. If you had to ask everyone the most boring part of the trip, this was it. It has a couple cool rides, but it ain't no Dib-nee-lan'! We never waited in any lines, but it was a little hot and stuffy and more like a sit-down park. The Water World feature was worth the entire day. SO COOL. Then we ate dinner at Hard Rock Cafe in downtown Universal and broke every speed limit possible in getting to Long Beach airport in the nick of time.

Without a doubt, the best family vacation we've ever had...sort of "once-in-a-lifetime", if you know what I mean.

And The Winner Is....

2009-11-23T14:28:00.004-07:00

When I turn on the boob-tube, I generally check 2 channels before anything else: Discovery and Food Network. My favorite shows on the latter are probably Chopped, Iron Chef, and Throwdown with Bobby Flay. So when they decided to add 6th Iron Chef to the ranks, I knew I'd watch every episode. Right off the bat I picked 1 of 2 chefs to win the competition. It was either going to be Amanda Freitag:

Or Jose Garces:

I really wanted Freitag to win, but Jose took top honors in the end. Good job, Jose! He's got Ecuadorian roots and since I served my mission in Ecuador, he and I are like this! (insert crossed fingers)

Iron Chef is a great show. You should check it out: Food Network (Comcast channel 40) at 10 PM Mountain, Sunday nights. The kids are in bed, so it's a good time to relax.

Not All Food is Created Equal

2009-11-23T11:27:00.005-07:00

Since I work in an office, away from home, eating out is generally more expensive than bringing something from home. I eat a lot of food that goes from freezer, to microwave, to mouth. Two of my favorite things to eat this way are Freschetta and DiGiorno pizzas. They're tasty, for a frozen pizza.

That said, I like spinach. Mixing it with iceberg lettuce makes for a tasty salad. I don't especially like it cooked. But guess what? There isn't much in the Food Department of which I can actually say "I don't like that" or "I hate that." I think I have great taste buds which are especially skilled. For me to say that I actually HATE a certain food means that it must be REALLY bad. I mean, good grief, I ate fish jello in Ecuador!

This looked appealing:

That is, until I got a HUGE hunk of cooked spinach in a single bite.

I'm tellin' ya...spinach does NOT belong on pizza. In fact, it should not be called "pizza" if it contains large portions of shrubbery. Every other bite was great, but there's a reason they flavor those pizzas with garlic and onions. It's to cover the taste of the spinach.

Would I eat it again? Sure. I'm just not that picky. But if you're thinking of putting cooked spinach on something, make sure it's well-seasoned.

Beating a Dead Horse

2009-11-06T11:57:00.004-07:00

I've mentioned this before, right? At least twice in recent bloggerhood I've mentioned the fact that we buy nothing, NOTHING, without a solid warranty. An extended warranty, when possible. Read about our experiences here and here. And I believe I've told you about the house having been built upon an Indian burial ground or having some sort of gypsy curse like in the movie Holes, with Shia Labeouf. Great show. Madame Zeroni scares me.

So it's the last day of our vacation. The last 3 hours before we head to the airport for the flight home. We're taking a rest at Universal Studios while the kids play in the huge playground with foam ball guns and water cannons for kids to shoot at each other. Lisa takes out the camera to look at all the wonderful pictures we've taken when the week-old Cannon PowerShot slips from her grasp and drops onto the concrete lens-first.

&!%$*&@#$%*&!

Luckily the 8 GB memory card is just fine and luckily we purchased a major extended super warranty from Sam's Club. Some of those pics WILL make it onto this blog, I pinky-promise!

Oh, and the brand new garage door/opener we bought this past summer is acting up again. Filth and foul.

Thank the beautiful heavens for glorious warranties.

Crazitude

2009-11-03T15:06:00.001-07:00

Life has been insane of late. We spent last week at Disneyland, California Adventure, Universal Studios and MANY more places. When I have time (likely Thursday) I will update the blog with a lengthy post and pictures galore (I only took 272 pics).

Peace.

Grandma Marsha

2009-10-13T09:35:00.002-06:00

Sunday marked the 10th year we have been without Marsha. We love her, miss her, and hope to see her again. Mallory did this awesome picture for Grandma:

In case you can't see it, it's the earth with the angel Grandma Marsha standing on top of it with Lisa and Mallory down on the earth.

And Marsha would be upset if we didn't keep up this little tradition:

We shared some tears as well as funny stories about her and ended the evening at our house with some pizza and a baseball game.

As Gentle As The Morning Sun???

2009-10-05T11:22:00.007-06:00

This is not Ex-Lax. It ain't Doxidan either. It could be compared to Syrup of Ipecac...or a variation thereof.

It will lull you in with a delightful looking package which claims, "I am a high-class cracker with a creamy cheese-flavored filling. If you eat me, your life will be better and all your wildest dreams will come true."

Once ingested it will NOT make you rich and will NOT make your dreams come true. In the words of Major Payne it will "clean out your colon quicker than one o' them burritos with extra guaca-molly sauce."

Curse you, Kraft Foods! Curse you!!!

Two Things

2009-09-23T11:55:00.002-06:00

We went to the Oquirrh Mountain Temple last night for the first time since it was dedicated. If you have not been inside that temple, make every effort to get there. It draws me in like nothing else. AMAZING building and a great spirit about it.

Secondly, you all know that there isn't a whole slew of LDS contemporary music that I enjoy. If I have to hear another remake of "I'll Build You A Rainbow" I might just shoot myself. I'm sure all those folks are sincere in their efforts to write something spiritual but come on...most of it "sucketh". Anyhoo, when I heard this song it gave me chills. To me, it's a song that could live through the ages because it has a sort of Gregorian chant sound to it. It was sung by a BYU Men's Choir in the 2006 Priesthood Session of LDS General Conference ("confurnz" to some). It was written by John Tanner who is a professor at BYU and is based on some scriptures in The Book of Mormon which might typically be called 'Nephi's Psalm'. (anyone know the rule on when to use single quotes vs. double?)

The music was written in 1899 by Jean Sibelius and is called 'Finlandia' and is more commonly known as the hymn 'Be Still My Soul'.

“I Love the Lord”
I love the Lord. In him my soul delights.
Upon his word, I ponder day and night.
He’s heard my cry, brought visions to my sleep,
And kept me safe o’er deserts and the deep.
He’s filled my heart with his consuming love,
And borne me high on wings of his great dove.
Yet oft I groan, “O wretched man am I!”
My flesh is weak and I’m encompassed by
A world of sin, which holds me in its thrall,
If I give in and to temptations fall.
Then strength grows slack, I waste in sorrow’s vale.
My peace destroyed, my enemies prevail.
Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin.
Rejoice, my heart! And let me praise again
The Lord my God, who is my rock and stay
To keep me strict upon his straight, plain way.
O let me shake at the first sight of sin
And thus escape my foes without and in.

If you ever come across a recording, I highly suggest you buy it.

Whew...

2009-09-22T14:54:00.002-06:00

Nothing makes me more grateful for good health than being sick. The relief of waking up to a nearly normal feeling body after 3 days of hell is awesome.

Awesome. Blessings.

Best Black Beans. Ever.

2009-09-20T17:49:00.005-06:00

I've never been fond of black beans at restaurants because I'm always unimpressed. The concept is a great one, don't get me wrong.

Well, I just made the best black beans I've ever had. Lisa took the kids to Dan and Ruby's for dinner and Marshall and I stayed home sick. I tossed some canned black beans into a pot and made some magic beans. These measurements are just estimates, since I only measure things for my potato rolls, so use more or less if you feel the need.

2 cans black beans (rinsed...don't want the slime)
1 teaspoon chili powder
1/2 teaspoon dried garlic
2 teaspoons olive oil
3 tablespoons diced green onions
1 teaspoon bacon bits
1/2 cup water
1/2 teaspoon salt

That's it. Cook it all for about 10 minutes, until the green onions are soft.

I plated it on some white rice and a fried egg. The egg was seasoned with salt, pepper, and chili powder.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

Born to...?

2009-09-18T11:30:00.002-06:00

I was listening to a radio program last night in my car about zookeepers. They get paid squat, but they're people who love animals. They were those kids who were always bringing home the injured birds or kittens. Then the radio host mentioned something that made me think some deep thoughts. I don't remember what those deep thoughts were, but trust me, they were DEEP. Anyhoo, he mentioned that zookeepers do their jobs because they were born to do it. As adults they are doing the things they loved to do as kids.

As a kid I don't remember enjoying anything too specific other than playing and riding bikes and just general kid stuff. However, one thing pops out as something I REALLY enjoyed. When I lived in Sandy it seemed we were on the outskirts of civilization. We had miles and miles of undeveloped land around us where we spent summer days catching lizards and winter days sledding down the biggest frigging hill you've ever seen. Scares me just to think about it now. That's another blog for another day.

We also took our BB guns and .22's out into the open fields and shot them on a fairly regular basis. It was pretty normal, actually, to see a kid walking down the street with a BB gun in the 70's and 80's. No big deal.

But then the teen years came and life got sort of crazy with everything that goes with growing up. I married my wife, had kids and never really showed a great interest in firearms because, well, there just wasn't time for it. Until about 7 years ago when I met Garth. That relationship rekindled my appreciation for firearms. I learned to reload and learned lots of things about ballistics.

Another passion of mine that I discovered in high school was acting. I had been involved in drama for about 18 months when I competed in the State 4A Drama Competition. I took 1st place for humorous interpretation. After I performed in The Music Man in 2008, my home teaching companion approached me and said, "Man...you missed your calling in life."

Meh...Although I would love to turn these passions into a way to make money and support a family, it just doesn't work right now. It may never work out. I enjoy my current job enough to say I could retire at it in 20 years.

Are you doing what you were born to do? Are you happy either way? Things may not turn out the way you expect, but as long as you're happy, it's all good!

Senses

2009-09-08T11:58:00.004-06:00

For a long time I have been very uncomfortable with loud noises/music...when it is in combination with other activities. Even though I listen to mostly classical music, if I were at a gathering where classical music were being played loudly, I would find it very difficult to communicate with anyone. And it's more than just the fact that I can't hear other people speak. I don't find the noise painful to my ears, I just can't think.

However, I can listen to Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D Minor, or Metallica for that matter, at very loud levels in my car and feel just fine. It's darn relaxing...kind of raises the hairs on my arms.

It's not limited to music, either. If I'm watching TV and someone starts to speak to me or anyone else in the room, I have to mute the TV because I will not catch or retain anything that person says. I'm sure Lisa finds it odd, but I actually enjoy watching a muted TV. Once or twice I muted the TV during a commercial and walked out of the room, only to have the family yell at me to bring the remote back because they couldn't hear the program once it resumed. [blush] Ever notice how commercials are louder than the show you're watching? Someone explained to me once that it had something to do with the different tones and how they're recorded and that the actual volume is the same and blah, blah, blah, but it translates to LOUDER in my ears.

Oh and when one of my kids yells loudly in a quiet car? Yikes. I nearly go through the roof. Picture a cat with raised neck hair, coiled to strike....that's what I look like.

All of this does not translate to being uncomfortable shooting my guns. Why? Perhaps it is because I am wearing ear protection and can't hear any of the other ambient noises?

I wonder if I inherited this from my mother? One time someone had a tape recorder in our kitchen and they hit record secretly just to get some of the conversation going on. In the background, as we were laughing and talking, you could hear my mother going about her business and several times uttering, "Shhhhhhh" very softly. Each time the conversation reached a certain decibel level, another "Shhhhhh." That could have also just been a product of living in a house with 11 people.

Methinks I have some weird disorder or some sensory issues. Who knows? How about yourself? Do you have X-Ray eyes or one of your senses that seems out of whack?

Snow in August???

2009-08-18T13:29:00.004-06:00

Since I have an 11-year old boy I got to go on this little overnighter with him and a few other dads to Trial Lake (Uinta Mountains). The elevation is about 9,800 feet, which means you're closer to heaven so it's VERY pretty. I have never camped anywhere that I love more than the Uinta Mountains. We arrived in camp around 7 PM and it promptly started raining. It rained through dinner and most of the night. Good thing for my little waterproof tent! We awoke to a cloudy and threatening sky but were able to eat breakfast and get some "scouty" things done before the heavens opened up again. It started with tiny little hail pellets and ended with an outright BLIZZARD. We fished for as long as our fingers could stand it, then we loaded up and came home. The thermometer read 33 degrees as we were pulling away from the lake. At one point we could only see about 100 feet across the lake....the other shore was lost in whiteness.

Yes, those are little snow pellets on Hayden's black jacket. Kid brought NO pants.

Ensign Peak

2009-08-18T12:31:00.002-06:00

We took the priests to Ensign Peak for a little hike last Wednesday. If you've never done it, it is well worth the effort. For a healthy person the hike is only about 15-20 minutes. The view is spectacular!!!

San Jorge

2009-08-18T11:45:00.002-06:00

Each year when everything is its hottest, we migrate to a place that is even hotter for a little R&R by a poolside. When we show up at the golf course and it's 110 degrees at 1 PM, they generally take pity on us and only charge a pittance. Sometimes they even include the golf cart free because they feel so sorry for us. But there is a method to our madness. August in St. George is not "peak" time for anyone. Everything's cheaper and crowds are seriously small anywhere you go.

I guess you could say we're the opposite of Snow Birds.

Besides golf for the adults, there is very little the kids want to do except swim. And swim we do. For hours upon hours upon hours.

This little guy was so excited to get somewhere, he climbed into the stroller and promptly fell asleep.

Good times. Good times.

Camp Moriancumer (as in Mahonri)

2009-08-18T10:52:00.003-06:00

Sorry about the dearth of blogs, but as you will see, it has been a crazy summer, yet again. I am repenting and will do better...promise.

Our stake held a camp out for the 16- and 17-year old boys this summer in Hanna, Utah. For those who'd like to know where Hannah is, drive like you're going to Kamas and take a right on main street and go through Francis, then Woodland, then another 40 miles east until you hit Hanna. If you hit Tabiona, you've gone too far.

This was a high adventure camp as well as a spiritual feast for these young men. These pictures will tell a great story.

The tire challenge which crossed the river. VERY few actually made it across.

The small pond/lake which was quite frigid. These two die-hards were bright red when they got out of the water.

This was a boat-building competition. Each team has to build a boat out of this Styrofoam and then paddle it around the island.

We even had a shooting range with six 9mm pistols. I was a shooting coach and had boys come through that had never touched a firearm in their entire lives.

This was the 180 foot cliff that the boys rappelled down. WHOA!

They were very smart and brought a popcorn machine and the boys snacked on it all day long, as 16-year old boys do.

...and a slushy machine.

Aaron decided to try the rope swing that went out across the river. We all heard a "ploop" when we was swinging. Turned out to be his 2-way radio. It was still alive when he pulled it out of the water, but quickly died.

It was a great experience. It was meant to help these boys gain stronger testimonies and make more firm commitments to serve a mission. I think it worked very well!

Apples, Berries, Cute Little Dudes, and Stuff

2009-07-28T10:22:00.004-06:00

This entry is about lots of stuff. Bear with me.

Bryce was careless and left his 8GB iPod Nano Video in his jeans pocket where it suffered an ignominious death. Because it was still under the manufacturer's warranty, it was replaced at no cost to us.

Again, yay warranties!

My new BlackBerry Pearl came last week and I am loving it. I hate having stuff in my pockets, so if it's got to be in my pocket, it had better be small and out-of-the-way. This Pearl is not just a phone+email device. It is also a media player and holds my 2 GB media card ever so nicely. I have full Internet access as well and this little thing is WELL worth the price for what it can do.

You know this li'l dude. I can't help but smile when I see him. When his heart breaks, mine breaks. When he is happy, I am happy.

This morning he found my EXPENSIVE prescription sunglasses (polarized, the whole bit) and removed them from existence. Obliterated. They are WELL beyond the grasp of any kind of warranty and will be replaced at some expense. SO cute, but GRRRR.

Today started badly and the more I talked or thought about things, the more frustrated I got. Then I got some bad news from one of my young men leaders which caused me anger and frustration.

Poop always runs/rolls downhill. Some days you're on top of that hill and avoid the mess. Other days you're sitting in your lawn chair with your feet up and sunglasses on when you're bowled over by the proverbial poop wave.

Good thing I have cute kids and a beautiful wife at home who love me. Oh, and good thing for warranties. Again!!!

Much Ado

2009-07-23T12:30:00.002-06:00

There are days that come along every month or so that seem to disrupt the normal pattern of things. They mess up children's' behavior patterns and fiddle with people's work schedules. They're supposed to be magical days. Days for celebrating and days for making memories.

They are known as......[ahem]...holidays.

Before you blast me for being a communist or a hater, hear me out.

I enjoy getting together with family....immensely. I enjoy talking with people I only see on a tri-annual basis. I enjoy the food. When I was a kid holidays were amazing. I literally lost sleep over upcoming holidays. Sleep on Christmas Eve? Yeah, right. Sleep after watching an hour-long fireworks show as we try our darnedest to light the street on fire? As if!

I think it has to do with missed expectations. Holidays seem to lose the luster they once held. Children behave badly, tempers flare, time constraints are not met. It's like we're being ORDERED to have a good time on these days and more often than not, we fail. I can't count the number of times I've either thrown out my back, broken or cut some body part on a holiday and ended up paying exorbitant fees to chiropractors and doctors.

And vacations, sometimes, have the same effect. You schedule a specific time to go and have fun and relax and sometimes it ends up being more stressful than a normal day.

Vacations and holidays should be more spontaneous. Sort of like surprise birthday parties. How would it be if you got into work and someone was waiting in your cubicle with balloons and yelled, "Surprise! Today's Valentines Day! Go home and give your wife these flowers and take her out to dinner!!!" Or "Surprise! Today is President's Day and you get the day off to relax with your family." Or "Surprise! You get to go to Disneyland for 5 days. See you next week!"

That's how holidays and vacations should be. Spontaneous. Mo betta!

Blake and Buddha

2009-07-15T09:48:00.004-06:00

Blake is a member of the Kearns Youth Aquatic Team. He has competed in various swim meets and has found his little niche in the sporting world now. He's played baseball and soccer and finally discovered a love of swimming. After a year or more of swimming he decided that he would take a break this summer and try something different. So we signed him up for the Junior Lifeguard program at KOPFC (Kearns Oquirrh Park Fitness Center). At 11 years old he is the youngest junior lifeguard. After they receive their training they have to volunteer at the pool for 20 hours to get their certification. Blake enjoys it a lot and I see a watery, chlorinated future for this boy.

This morning, Big Buddha with Fox 13 News came out to the pool to showcase all the goings-on for the upcoming Fire Water & Ice Festival and did a lot of stuff with the lifeguards. My little Blake is now a celebrity.

Here are the pics!

Blake & Buddha

The Kids on Camera

Blake's Boss, Sam, in the Red Jacket(also our neighbor)

I promise the girl in the blue swimsuit is normal. Just took the picture at a VERY inopportune time....for her.

Ere You Left Your Room

2009-07-10T12:42:00.004-06:00

I was speaking with a friend who mentioned he was making some major changes in his life. Neutral changes, but dramatic. When I pressed as to why he was doing it his answer was that he was losing his motivation to do much of anything. Hobbies he loved held no interest any more. I asked if he suspected depression was the culprit. His response was this: "Gotta be. At least it's fitting from what I'm finding on the Internet." His love for his family hadn't changed. His interest in church hadn't waned. He just felt...well, funky.

And then I mentioned my own funk. He was surprised and asked about how my own funk began and ended and the reasons surrounding it.

I don't think my problems had anything to do with depression. I've never had a problem praying to my Father in Heaven. I've prayed nearly every day for the past 20 years. I've had times where those prayers went no further than the top bunk and I've had times where it's felt like I was speaking to a real live person who was standing in the room with me. But the last few months had left me wondering again whether anyone was listening. It may sound trite, but I honestly felt like I was being ignored and stopped praying individually altogether. I could pray in public settings and in fanny-hone-eening and meal prayers, but personal prayer went out the window for a while.

You know what's weird? I've never doubted that God listens to my prayers. I have had many experiences where my prayers were answered immediately and in a manner that left no doubt in my mind that God heard exactly what I said. A few years back I had to go on a business trip out of the country. The passport I acquired for my LDS mission had yet to expire, so I knew I could use it. I was pretty sure where it was, so I didn't stress about finding it. The night before my business trip I went to grab the passport from its supposed location to find it was not there. I went into panic mode. We tore the house apart looking for the passport. No dice.

So I prayed.

As I said "amen" a vision came to my mind's eye of my sister Michelle's living room. In her living room was a box full of pictures which contained a shoe box with my passport inside it. I called Michelle to let her know I was coming over to get it and the business trip went just fine.

My buddy told me he hadn't prayed in 2 or 3 years. I wasn't really surprised, after all, my stint lasted for almost a year.

I know what the scriptures teach about prayer because I've taught those Sunday school lessons many times. 2 Nephi 32 tells us "For if ye would hearken unto the Spirit which teacheth a man to pray ye would know that ye must pray; for the evil spirit teacheth not a man to pray, but teacheth him that he must not pray."

I'm not sure what the whole point of this blog is except to relate a life experience, but did I lose anything by not having personal prayer for 9 months? I likely sacrificed a better relationship with my Father in Heaven. Other than that, I'm not sure. Maybe a lesser portion of the Holy Ghost in my life.

Did I gain anything by not having personal prayer for 9 months? Absolutely not.

All-Around Rarity

2009-07-09T09:56:00.003-06:00

It's not often you come across someone named Genevieve. She was Lisa's maternal grandmother.

She was born just before the Great Depression and lived her life as if it could all end tomorrow. She saved, she scrimped, she loved, laughed and lived a righteous life with no regrets. She had Laurence with her 37 years and then lived another 30 without him.

She had dialysis for a few years and it was frustrating. Having your blood cleaned 3-4 times per week is harsh. After her last port gave out she decided she'd had enough of this life. She was ready to see her husband, mother, and daughter again. She was ready to start a new adventure and get back to work.

We will miss her. God be with you 'til we meet again.

Kickin' II

2009-07-09T08:49:00.004-06:00

I realize there's been a dearth o' blogging, but June/July are proving to be insane.

On June 26 we left for Gunnison Valley High School to participate in the cancer walk. We arrived and promptly set up our snow cone/cotton candy booth and got settled for a long summer night of walking and fun. They started with a lap for cancer survivors and then a lap for caregivers, then the walking began in earnest. At least 1 person from your team had to be walking at all times. The idea is "cancer doesn't sleep, so why should we?" A bunch of us, including me, Bryce and Blake did not sleep a wink until the drive home. Good thing Lisa was driving. [wink]

The end result was a whopping $28,000 raised to donate to the American Cancer Society.

We ate pizza, we played football, we endured a wind storm, we ate crepes and entered drawings and had 12 hours of great fun. Here are a few pics:

Extended Warranties

2009-06-23T12:14:00.006-06:00

Clark Howard might tell you that only stupid people waste money on extended warranties.

At the Pearson household we have experienced a unique span wherein every single major electronic/mechanical appliance in our home has failed miserably, with the exception of the televisions [knock on wood]. To my dying day I will swear that my home was built upon an old Indian burial site, another reason the TV's have not gone out. The evil spirits must use the TV's to communicate or something.

These are the items we have replaced/repaired within the last 18 months, from newest to oldest: Garage Door ($1,050), Garage Door Opener ($250), Refrigerator ($2,100), Washer & Dryer ($1,800), Dishwasher ($600), Central Air Conditioner ($600), Van Repairs ($2,000), Microwave Oven ($75), Two Grass Trimmers ($350), Repair of Old Garage Door/Opener ($200).

Total for 18 months: $9,025.00

And to top it off the kids broke the trampoline, which will likely NOT be replaced.

I thought maybe it was because I had purchased crappy appliances. Noooooooo. When I built the house I asked my dad to get me middle/upper-end appliances that would last a long time. No cheap-o stuff for me, no sir-ee-bob. Everything that has been replaced has been upgraded and warrantied UP THE WAZOO. And guess what, Clark Howard??? The washer warranty has been used TWICE already, so KISS IT!

Alas. The poltergeists proved to be very powerful. Blasted burial grounds. Blasted Clark Howard. Yay extended warranties!

CrackBerry

2009-06-15T09:50:00.003-06:00

Yesterday I seriously contemplated ending the life of my BlackBerry Pearl. Don't get me wrong, the thing is great and works wonderfully. It's just what the thing represents: a constant tie to work. I thought about taking it into the backyard and throwing it against the concrete and watching it shatter. I thought about taking it to a mountain lake to see how many times it would skip before sinking to its watery grave. I even thought about burying it in a deep hole.

Alas, it was not to be. I knew that the second I told anybody at work that it had perished in some "freak accident", another would be shipped to me within a couple days and I'd be back where I began. Albeit with a nicer, newer, shinier, beepier CrackBerry.

When we go on family vacations or camping and I KNOW I am out of range of ANY cell tower, it gives me joy. Pure glee.

It's a drug. A drug that I hate. Beginning at 8 PM each and every night I receive 6-8 email notifications about the status of certain computer backups at work and another 6 or so during the night, which I ceremoniously delete with gusto in the morning. And those are besides all the emails from fellow employees that work in the Philippines and still think I check the thing in the middle of the night. Stupid 13 hour time difference. I took 2 weeks of vacation when Marshall was born. During that time I watched the email number rise and rise until it reached the 150's. Knowing that I didn't have to answer ANY of them was a relief. It was like the feeling you get when you slip into a warm bed after being in the cold all day.

Technology is OK. It does lots of neat things for us. But most of the time, I'd be happier without it.

Weirdest. June. Ever.

2009-06-12T08:45:00.002-06:00

I was watching Eubank do his shpeel on channel 5 last night and he said this was only the 13th wettest June on record...so far. In my nearly 36 years of living in Utah, I have yet to see a continuous chain of thunder storms that lasted over a week.

Unheard of.

And the average rainfall for June has already been surpassed and it's only June 12.

Crazy!

If the sun doesn't shine soon, my vegetable garden will be weeks behind in its growth. No squash or carrots until October, I guess.

Sugar Fast 2009

2009-06-11T12:19:00.003-06:00

My allergies were getting out of control, so I'm at it again. Until pollen levels go down, there will be minuscule amounts of sugar in my diet. I've been doing MUCH more research on this because some people think I'm crazy and that sugar has NOTHING to do with allergies. Here are some facts.

1. Hay Fever is a malfunction of the immune system. Your body sees a completely normal substance (pollen) as an enemy. Pollen has been around for millions of years. As mankind gets farther and farther away from our farming/outdoorsy roots, and spend more time INSIDE, more and more people will develop allergies.

2. Sugar causes insulin levels in your body to rise in order to process the sugar. Higher insulin levels block certain hormones from being used by cells in your body. Those hormones are required by your immune system in order to fight off infection and other anti-bodies. SO...high levels of sugar can reduce immune system effectiveness by up to 40%. Anyone who already has a malfunctioning immune system (hay fever) is FURTHER reducing the effectiveness of their immune system by consuming large amounts of sugar.

For me, a good measure is to NOT consume and more than 10 grams of sugar (honey, fructose, sucrose, corn syrup, etc.) in any given day. Less if I can bear it.

And my symptoms? Dissipated after 48 hours and disappeared after 72 hours. Been 11 days and loving life.

"AND THAT'S FINAL!"

2009-06-01T11:31:00.002-06:00

Scene: November 2008. A majority of Californians vote to define a word. A word which was created and originally defined by God.

MARRIAGE.

They defined it like this: "Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California." They didn't vote against anything. They didn't vote against equal rights. They voted to define a word, pure and simple.

Enter: California Supreme Court, May 2009. Somehow they got the idea that they could overrule something that a MAJORITY of Californians voted for. Seven people had the audacity.

Did we slip through some Star Trek-like wormhole and enter an alternate reality where make-believe has become truth over the past couple months? Since when did a state supreme court gain any authority over a majority voice in our nation? Since when did our legislators and judges stop answering to ME! WE THE PEOPLE are the ultimate authority in these United Stated of America and WHAT WE SAY IS LAW!!!

PERIOD.

I don't care if the majority of Americans decide to make grand larceny a misdemeanor and define the color black as the color red. If the people vote, THAT is law and no individual or entity has the power to overrule it. Our government answers to US, not the other way around. Even if the people vote for something that may be against what you believe to be morally sound, when the people speak, it should stand firm.

There is a scripture in the Book of Mormon which states the following:

Mosiah 29:26-27 "Now it is not common that the voice of the people desireth anything contrary to that which is right; but it is common for the lesser part of the people to desire that which is not right; therefore this shall ye observe and make it your law—to do your business by the voice of the people.

So we do our business by the voice of the people. But then we are issued a warning in the next verse.

"And if the time comes that the voice of the people doth choose iniquity, then is the time that the judgments of God will come upon you; yea, then is the time he will visit you with great destruction even as he has hitherto visited this land."

The majority of Californians made a morally sound choice. Good job.

The California Supreme Court can stick it in their collective ears. As if.

Poor Journalism

2009-05-29T12:06:00.004-06:00

Read this story about cola, then tell me what you think.

http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=100742

The title would make you believe that cola is bad for your muscles. Once you read further into the article you realize that the people in the study who had muscle problems were drinking anywhere from 3 to 7 LITERS of cola in a day!!!

What the???

I'm sorry, but if I drink 3-7 liters of ANYTHING in a day, perhaps even water, it might cause even more serious problems than this. And these people got immediate relief when they stopped drinking cola, started drinking water, and got a potassium shot.

Good grief...moderation folks. Moderation.

The Ice Man

2009-05-28T14:42:00.003-06:00

This is Marshall's new habit. About 5 times a day I put crushed ice into a cup or bowl and he quietly sits and eats each piece. He's already got 8 teeth...guess he's getting more!

Oquirrh Mountain

2009-05-27T10:41:00.004-06:00

It looks like a weird word. If you weren't from Utah, you might be unsure as to the correct pronunciation. Kind of like Tooele. "too-ILL-uh."

"O-kur."

This will be my new temple by the end of August. Since 1983 the only temple I have known is the Jordan River. This new temple will serve everyone living west of the Bangerter Highway from Northern Magna to the southern tip of Herriman in Salt Lake County. A VIP open house began last week and I was able to help out by working as a parking volunteer. The day was a sunny 70 degrees and we had a cool little breeze blowing the whole time we were there (11 AM - 4 PM). I am sure there will be many more opportunities to serve in the temple. I am VERY excited to see the insides when we go through an official tour in June.

And no, it ain't crooked. Just my crappy Blackberry and an unsteady hand. WOOT!!!

Kiddie Cones

2009-05-27T10:34:00.003-06:00

This is Marshall's first ice cream cone. As soon as he ate the ice cream down to the cone, I let him hold onto it and he ate the whole thing all by himself. Valley View was our last stop in a long day of visiting graves. We honored Marsha, just like she wanted. The kids tend to act a little better when they know ice cream is at the end, but it's still hard to visit 3 cemeteries before noon.

Memorialized

2009-05-22T10:37:00.005-06:00

The origin and purpose of Memorial Day was meant to commemorate U.S. men and women who had died during military service. It was originally called Decoration Day and was enacted just after the Civil War to honor fallen Union soldiers. Since then it has been expanded to honor all who served. For my family it means something like that, but has generally taken on the purpose of remembering all family members who have died, regardless of military service. Each Memorial Day we travel the valley and visit the graves of about 5 or 6 close relatives, *four of which actually served in the military. I honor them today and throughout this weekend.

*Laurence Blake
*Walter Leatherwood
Roscoe B. Mackay
*Earl M. Pearson
Ada Pearson
Marsha Leatherwood
*Bryce Leatherwood

At the grave site of each person we generally tell/listen to stories about that person. Then we gather with Lisa's side of the family and have a little picnic. Then, later in the day, we gather at Connie-Bob's and have another picnic with the other side of the family.

Before Marsha died she picked out a very specific burial plot. She is buried at Valley View Memorial in West Valley, which sits adjacent to Winder Dairy. Winder Dairy has a little country store not a hundred yards from where Marsha was buried. She picked that spot because she wanted her grandchildren to be able to come see her and then walk to the country store and get an ice cream cone. It was her way of making sure her grandchildren found some bit of joy in visiting her grave.

Three out of our 5 children get a little kick out of seeing their own names on the headstones. One year Mitchell was sad because none of the headstones bore his name. We quickly pointed out that it wasn't necessarily a bad thing. [wink]

Mission Stuff

2009-05-21T16:53:00.004-06:00

I served a mission for the LDS Church from September 1992- September 1994. I drew upon those 2 years of experience nearly every day for a decade after I returned home. Here are a few fun little things about my mission to Ecuador.

1. Ecuador was hot and humid. We're talking 108 Fahrenheit and 80-100% humidity all the time. Like hot-tubbing? Just go to Ecuador. Like hell? Ecuador. You get the picture.

2. The heat I experienced on my mission is the reason I LOVE the cold now. It took many winters to finally begin to appreciate any sort of warmth again. "Appreciate" may be too strong a word. Tolerate?

3. People get the impression that I served in the jungle. I only experienced the jungle for 2 months during those 2 years. The rest were spent in large cities with millions of people.

4. Thunder in Ecuador is about the loudest thing I've ever heard. It's not ear-splitting...it's head-splitting.

5. In an Ecuadorian rain storm if you had to run across the street, you'd be drenched to your underwear lickety-split.

6. Spiders. [shudder] 'Nuff said.

7. Bananas are delicious. Dole run's their largest plants out of Ecuador and it is the country's largest export, I think. I ate a banana almost every day and still love them.

8. An Ecuadorian will not consider something a meal unless there are copious amounts of rice available. They do not consider a hamburger, fries, and a Coke a meal. Nay. I ate at least 1 pound of rice per day and still love rice to this day.

9. You know those green plantains you see in the foreign food section of the grocery store? When they are green you can fry them in oil and they have a potato-ish taste and texture. When they ripen and get yellow, they turn sweeter, but still only vaguely taste like a normal banana.

10. Every single person that cut my hair (with one exception) was a cross-dressing homosexual. Not sure, but that's just how it is in Ecuador.

11. I never drank water straight from any tap in Ecuador. All water had to be boiled or treated with bleach. That is why the first thing I did when I got home was to take a huge drink out of the hose in our front yard. MMMMMMM.

12. I got sick on my mission, like clock-work, every 2 months. And every 6 months we took a series of pills called "La Bomba" or "The Bomb". They were supposed to clear our digestive tracts of all nasty bugs and then build up the good "flora" once again. I received a Bomb as I stepped onto the plane to go home with instructions to begin taking it as soon as my feet hit North American soil.

13. I still remember the names of every companion and every place I served.

14. I don't think I would ever go back to Ecuador again. It might be nice to see some of the other parts of the country, and I loved serving, but it's just not a vacation spot, you know?

15. I had a companion that looked at his white bible (missionary handbook) each day and purposefully said "Which rule should I break today?" He got tuberculosis and got sent home.

16. Only once did I experience any sort of cool-ish temperature in those 2 years. It was a magical moment that I will always remember.

17. Ecuador has some seriously cool beaches, but they were not in the areas I served. We once took a 2 hour bus ride to one of those beaches on our P-Day. It was like something straight out of National Geographic. It was called Montanita.

18. I only trained one greenie. A greenie is a missionary who is brand-spankin' new. Elder Beal was a potato farmer from Mountain Home, Idaho. Most humble guy ever.

19. In one of my apartments the spiders were so abundant we had a corner of one room where we'd leave all their dead bodies encased in wax from hot candles. It was gross but so cool. Like a spider wax museum.

20. I still have about 7 rolls of undeveloped 35mm film from my mission. Think they'll survive the processing?

21. Every few months a companion and I would make what we called "Super Juice". We'd go to the market and spend 5 bucks on every bit of fruit we could find. Mangoes, maracuya (passion fruit), papaya, oranges, lemons, limes, bananas, and pineapples. We'd blend it all up and sip on the results for about 3 days. Ecuador has GREAT fruit! You could buy 5 pineapples for 50 cents.

22. In Ecuador they have a lot of street vendors. Guys that walk down the street holding about 30 brooms yelling "Escobas!" Or guys walking down the street with book shelves (yes, plural) on their 2 shoulders yelling "Book shelves!" You name it, bread, ice cream, bananas, pineapples....everything under the sun. The only person that does that here in Utah is the ice cream man. It was cool.

23. Milk in Ecuador came in a one-liter bag. And it's not pasteurized. I remember puking a liter of milk once when we were on a service project to clean up a cemetery. Blech.

24. You could buy American groceries from certain stores, but the prices were outrageous. A gallon of American milk back then was like $5. Snickers were about $1. Not too bad, but I'd only splurge once or twice a year.

25. My favorite Ecuadorian candy was called a Manicho. It was like a Mr. Goodbar...chocolate and nuts.

Single Parents

2009-05-19T08:31:00.004-06:00

From last Tuesday to Friday I was a single parent. 72 hours. Lisa went to Henderson for the birth of Susie's first baby (holla) and I got to do the Mr. Mom thing while she was gone. I've done the Mr. Mom thing before but never with 5 kids. I did it back in 2000 when she went to girl's camp for 3-4 days. That was with 2 kids.

I had my list. It was a list of things that HAD to get done under penalty of death. They were things like "drive Bryce to school" and "drive kids to swimming" and "comb hair". Seriously, if I did not have a list to remind me of these things, children would go un-fed, the house would explode, cats and dogs living together.....MASS HYSTERIA! Once I accomplished something on the list it would get crossed off and never thought of again. There was also a section on my list for things that weren't THAT important, but would be nice to get done if there was time.

You know, if I were a single parent, there would be no lists. I would get kids to school, go to work, eat if there's time, and go home and get myself and 5 kids ready for bed.

That's it.

No cleaning. No shaving. No exercising. No church callings. No home teaching. Little bathing.

There's no time for anything else!

I admire single parents who can keep any semblance of a normal life. My respect for them just shot straight up by eleventy billion percent. (I know it's not a real number.......YET) Sure, I was able to get every single item on my list crossed off each day, but that was only because I didn't have to go to work! And as for Lisa, she should easily earn as much as I do for the skills and amount of labor that goes into her regular day. Who would pay all those moms out there anyway?

Real Relationships

2009-05-18T13:25:00.002-06:00

We've got FaceBook, MySpace, Blogger, texting, and a whole slew of ways to communicate with others. I've chatted with old friends online that I haven't spoken to in 15 years. I regularly visit blogs of friends who have moved away and live quite distant from me and even with those that live right around the corner.

As I've seen or spoken to these friends days after we've chatted online, those online conversations have no bearing on the improvement of our friendship. In fact, we have never spoken of online conversations after the fact. It's as if they never happened. I sat there and chatted with a neighbor about some problems they were having for close to an hour one time. It was a deep conversation. But the next time I saw that neighbor nothing was mentioned of our conversation and I had almost forgotten it had taken place (even most of the details).

Is it just me? Do your digital conversations have any improving qualities on the friendships of the people you are speaking to? Do they bring you closer as friends or family?

Not I, said me. Not I.

Phone calls and actual time spent in the presence of the other person are quite another story. This is my opinion, in order of importance:

1. One-on-one time in the presence of the other person.
2. Group time in the presence of the other person.
3. Phone call.
4. Letter (who does THAT any more?).
4. Email.
5. Online chat.

NOTHING can replace good ol' one-on-one time with someone you love. It means your full attention is focused upon them and that they are the most important thing right now. The further we move down on the spectrum of meaningful contact, the less it means to us and those we communicate with.

Grossed Out

2009-05-12T10:04:00.003-06:00

It takes a LOT to gross me out. I mean a LOT. Blood? Nah. Show me a hacked-off appendage and I'm as calm as a summer's morning. But there are a few things that raise my hackles and get my goat. Here's a list of "grotey" things:

Spiders
I can't take 'em. The hair on my neck stands right up and I feel an immediate desire to destroy them with extreme prejudice. Like they present a clear and present danger to my person. And my mission to Ecuador just made it worse. You see tarantulas on TV crawling ever so slowly and benignly up some guy's arm, yes? Well, they can actually run faster than you can. Almost. I watched a blur go across the wall on my mission and had to strain real hard to see that the blur contained a large banana spider. Whoa.

Hair
While staying in a hotel in Park City once, I was eating a bowl of cereal from the continental breakfast bar and pulled a CLUMP of gray hair out of my mouth. Not a strand of a hair....a CLUMP. I can touch hair. I can comb hair. But when it's in my food or my mouth there may be projectile vomiting.

Band Aids
I can handle band aids on me or my children. I can put them on, take them off and not be squeamish at all around the blood, pus, etc. But when I'm swimming in a pool and don't have my glasses on, that band aid looks like a plain old, non-threatening leaf that might have floated down from a lovely nearby tree. But as I dive for closer inspection and the thing is 6 inches from my face, the blurry item comes into focus and YIKES. Remember those underwater scenes in the movies where someone is swimming and they come across a dead body and you see their underwater scream and a huge billow of bubbles leaving their mouth? That's me. I literally walk on water to get out of the pool. Eeew.

What are some things that gross you out? Let's hear your stories.

A Computer Guy

2009-05-11T13:51:00.005-06:00

At times people ask me what I do for a living. I generally give a bland answer that satisfies their immediate curiosity and do not elaborate unless the other person pursues further interest. Yeah...right. Like that's ever happened! "Computer guy" is what I say and 99.999% of the population is happy with that.

My current title has ranged anywhere from Midrange Storage Support to Midrange Storage Engineer, to Systems Engineer. For the past 15 years I have worked for a Fortune 50 company in some capacity relating to computer storage, meaning: disk, tape, backups, etc.

Lest your eyes glaze over, here is a 30,000 foot view of what I do now to earn money and pay the bills.

Your computer has a hard drive, right? It's likely anywhere from 40-250 gigabytes in size, depending upon your geekiness.

Imagine your computer on steroids. Suddenly, instead of a single hard disk, it now has 2,000 hard disks, each about 150 gigabytes in size. That's a lot of room for your music and pictures, right? Wow.

Now imagine that yours is not the only computer. Imagine there are hundreds of computers linked into YOUR computer accessing portions of your 2,000 hard drives.

That's what I do. I manage several large disk arrays comprising about 500 terabytes of data and close to 500 servers. These servers are connected to the disk array by a fiber optic cable. I manage the amount of disk each server can use and the backup of that data to computer tapes for offsite storage.

Wow....you never thought I did something SOOOO insanely boring, did you? What a geek.

Swine Flu? Bull Flu!

2009-05-04T10:45:00.003-06:00

In the United States, 36,000 people die from the plain-old, regular, H1N1 strain of the flu virus each year. That number can fluctuate and be as little as 17,000 some years and as high as 60,000 another year. 36,000 is an average.

So....

1. H1N1 flu kills 1-in-8439 people.
2. With Utah's current population, that means 264 Utahns die each year from H1N1.*

Yesterday I heard a report that WORLDWIDE about 200-something people have died from the "swine" flu. Swine flu is actually a variant of the H1N1 virus. Only a single person (who was a child visiting from Mexico) has actually DIED from this virus in the United States of America. Even the single confirmed case of swine flu from Park City, Utah was from a child who had already recovered from the flu by the time he/she was officially diagnosed.

Why is everyone, including the Obama administration making such a huge deal out of this? I understand that should this virus mutate again, it COULD turn into a much more serious strain. But virus mutation could also happen with a hundred other variants of viruses throughout the world. That's the nature of a virus. My bet is that the Obama administration has some other hidden agenda that will reveal itself in the coming months. Just wait....we'll see.

When 264 Utahns and 50,000 Americans have died within a year of the swine flu, then I'll worry. A little.

*Current US population=303,824,640; Current Utah population=2,233,169

Random Crap II - Low Fat Version!

2009-04-29T13:30:00.005-06:00

1. I watch VERY little TV any more. Mostly because I can't stand the alarmist reports and the bias.
2. I went shooting with Bryce last week and quickly realized it's a skill that takes more practice than once per year.
3. I just got over a cold.
4. I do not fear the swine flu....yet. 36,000 people die from H1N1 influenza each year and they're making a big deal about 40 deaths?
5. I let my 1 year bloggiversary (February 29 - Leap day) pass without so much as a word.
6. Mitchell is getting baptized on Saturday.
7. I haven't watched a single episode of '24' since I finished the 6th season because NONE of the early shows from season 7 can be viewed online. GRRRRR.
8. We just bought a new fridge last week. It was more money than we've spent on anything for a LONG time. Those buggers are pricey!
9. We have replaced all the major appliances in our home in the past year.
10. We are playing dodgeball at our young men's activity tonight. I am excited.
11. #10 is practice for the stake dodgeball tournament in June. Isn't that cool?!?
12. As a family, we are on the last chapter of the Book of Mormon and will finish it by Friday. We've been reading for a loooong time. With kids, sometimes 5 verses is all they/I/we can take.
13. I have officially entered my "low sugar" season. Less (read:NO) sugar in my diet makes my allergies disappear.
14. I've noticed that everyone, not just me, is on a blogging diet. Everyone seems to have taken a spring break or something.
15. Lisa and I went to the Jordan River temple last night. We will go another 3-4 times before our new temple (Oquirrh Mountain) opens in August.
16. I enjoy being with my dad. We work well together.
17. Bryce turned 13. In one year I fully expect the aliens to come down and remove his brain for a few years. It's to be expected....what can I say.
18. I got in touch with an old friend today that I haven't seen for a year.
19. My boss, who was laid off in October still has no job. Anyone need a technically-savvy-but-not-exactly-technical boss?
20. Erik and I went shooting a couple weeks ago in the desert and saw no wildlife whatsoever. We did, however, take care of an unruly beer bottle that caused us some angst.
21. Then we ate a gross breakfast at Carl's Jr. A breakfast burger??? Bleh.
22. Lisa and I need some cheap family vacation ideas for this summer. Road trips are welcome since we just spent huge $$$$$ in getting our van fixed/maintained.
23. Pepsi Max still rocks.
24. I am looking forward to FAR fewer campouts this summer. Like 2.
25. Remember that video I posted of Marshall when he's talking in his high chair while eating? Yeah, he's still THAT cute.
26. Anyone ever buy anything at FYE? What a hole! It's like the Dollar Theater of media stores. Totally ghetto.
27. My Peeps from Easter are still sitting opened in my cube at work. The staler the better, I always say!
28. I really need to go on a date with my wife this weekend at some point.
29. My Blackberry is looking sad. Anyone know of a good lake I could "accidentally" drop it in?
30. I have to teach priesthood this Sunday and still have no topic chosen.
31. I love ice cream that has mocha flavoring in it. Yes, I know, mocha=coffee. It's artificial flavoring.
32. I am looking forward to Lisa's trip to Vegas when Susie has her baby. Susie has her baby, Lisa gets a break, and Dad's in charge. No work!!!
33. I could live somewhere where the highest temperature on record was 80 degrees. This weather rocks! Cold, warm, cold, warm.
34. I have weighed 192 pounds now for a loooooong time.
35. <----- My current age.
36. <----- August 20, 2009.
37. Besides a forum to meet and communicate with old friends, Facebook becomes less and less interesting to me each day.
38. I am excited to usher for the Oquirrh Mountain temple open house.
39. Where does the word "usher" come from?
40. Blake is a very patient boy.
41. I love Del Taco's Bacon Double Del Cheeseburger.
42. I love In-N-Out even more than Del Taco and will be supremely happy when they build one in Jordan Landing.
43. Baby's with tubes can still get ear infections.
44. Did you know the space shuttle can reach speeds of around 18,000 miles per hour? A speeding bullet only reaches 2,000 miles per hour. Whoa.
45. I'd say good riddance to Arlen Specter, but we can't afford it as a country.
46. Orrin Hatch is a tool, and we can't afford to lose him right now, but I will not vote for him again.
47. I still enjoy my job.
48. Bryce just received his Star award in Boy Scouts. He'll be an Eagle before he's 14.
49. Our grass is very green right now thanks to copious amounts of weed-n-feed and crabgrass preventer. And rain.
50. I doubt I will ever aerate my lawn again. I think it spreads bugs from one lawn to another.
51. I will never wear a bluetooth device. Folks, you look like the Borg! You have been assimilated!
52. I like to wear my black wool Chaps coat that Lisa bought me. So nice.
53. My Dockers shoes are DEFINITELY not waterproof. Not even puddle or spit proof.
54. My hunting boots could serve the navy as the USS Boot. They are THAT waterproof.
55. <---- I remember driving to Bryce Canyon with my grandparents at that speed. In the summer. Without air conditioning.
56. That trip was awesome because we slept on a covered porch in our sleeping bags and listened to the coyotes all night.
57. I am reading book 2 in the Bartimaeus Trilogy.
58. Twix Peanut Butter are delicious because the cookie is CHOCOLATE, like an Oreo.
59. I put "Plus" fuel into my Corolla yesterday for the first time ever.
60. <---- The age at which I plan to retire.
61. Last night I read a birthday letter my mom gave me 11 years ago. Touching.

Why am I stopping at 61? It's RANDOM for a reason.

Mr. Maturation

2009-04-16T20:27:00.005-06:00

Mr. Maturation has been teaching children about the Birds and the Bees for a LOOOOONG time. In case you've never met him, he's near 70 years old and teaches all 5th grade boys in 4 school districts about going from boys to men and all that that implies.

I went with Bryce when he was in 5th grade and got to go with Blake tonight. It was a joyous occasion, I'm tellin' ya.

Some key phrases from the session were as follows: "Hang-Downers", "Cycles", "Circumcision", "Girls", "Hair".

Our tradition has become to attend and then get ice cream afterwards. Of course, Mr. Maturation only covers certain aspects of reproduction and puberty. Others he leaves to the parents to explain, such as the actual...uh...."mechanics" of baby-making and such. As we eat our ice cream I ask if they have any questions. Bryce understood everything Mr. Maturation said but had one obvious, glaring question that was purposefully left out. As I started to explain to Bryce his eyes got big and he started to get green, like he was going to puke, while shaking his head, plugging his ears and saying "OKOKOKOKOKOKOKOKOKOK...NO MORE!" Blake, on the other hand, didn't want to know squat about squat. Didn't have questions and didn't care.

And I'm fine with that.

Our philosophy is this: Don't ever act embarrassed about sex. Answer the kids' questions right to the point that it satisfies their curiosity, no more. We are open about it and tell them they can come to us if they ever have questions or problems, and they have.

Lisa grew up in a very open relationship with her parents and felt at-ease asking her parents questions about sex.

In my family, not only did we NOT discuss sex, we never even SAID the word "s-e-x".

It's about balance.

The One and Only

2009-03-20T11:35:00.005-06:00

MY WIFE:

She organized the raising of $120,000 within a month or two in order to help her mom pay for stem cell cancer treatment. If my family did not have Lisa, we would likely be viewed as anti-social. Why, you ask? Well, if Lisa didn't keep us straight on appointments and calendars, we'd likely never see the light of day.

She takes an honest and loving interest in the lives of her friends and neighbors. If we haven't seen a certain person at church or around the neighborhood, she's the first to notice. Cookies will soon follow and relationships are re-forged.

She follows her gut (the spirit). I can't count the number of times she's received major inspiration that, when followed, has helped our family immensely. And we're talking LARGE decisions like moving, and having kids. It usually starts with a wane smile and a comment like, "Lance...I need to talk to you about something."

She can put on a happy face. If I am angry or irritated, everyone knows about it and everyone feels that negative energy. I can't even wonder how that is a good quality to have. Lisa can put on a smile and positively charge others even when she's not at the top of her game because she puts others' needs ahead of her own.

She worries about me more than I worry about myself. She'll ask questions that I've never even posed to myself that make me realize she has my best interests at heart.

She's damn smart. Did you know Lisa graduated college with honors? Magna or Suma Cum-something. She even got a 4.0. If you ever need a teacher who's the smartest of ALL teachers, Lisa is your man....er...woman!

Lisa keeps a dang clean home. Our kids have come back from other peoples' homes (no offense, seriously) and commented on how much they enjoy living in a clean house.

Lisa has had a gazillion callings over the years and she never fails to magnify them. She thinks about the people she's responsible for and puts her thoughts and feelings into action by serving them and their needs. She prays for people with sincerity.

Did you know Lisa can play sports? If the ward/stake sports people knew about her genealogy, she'd never get OUT of church sports. She can play basketball and volleyball as well as anyone I know. Heck, she even played softball for many years when she was younger.

Lisa can SING. In high school, Lisa quit playing sports and student government and asked her parents for singing lessons. She's an anomaly in her family because her dad and sister can't carry a tune in a bucket! She took professional voice lessons and got REALLY good. She's always telling me that my voice is better than hers, but everyone that knows us knows that is a royal CROCK of hoo-doo. She just doesn't want to get asked to sing at funerals and sacrament meetings. Honestly, if you could hear her sing "All I Ask of You" from Phantom or "On My Own" from Les Miserables, you'd be amazed. That voice belongs on Broadway.

Lisa gets me all excited. I'm sorry, but she's hot! She gets more beautiful with age, which most people are not blessed with.

The second thing that attracted me to Lisa was her confidence. Holy crap this woman knew who she was, where she was going in life and had it all planned out to the minute! She sweats confidence. Not arrogance, but true, womanly confidence.

And lastly, my kids have all asked me over the years whom I love most. They all know the answer: Mom. I make it clear that my love for Lisa is in a class all its own. Those kids got nothin' on her!

Been a While...

2009-03-19T10:49:00.001-06:00

It's been 15 days since my last blog entry. I guess you could say I'm on a bit of blogging hiatus.

Sorry...just not in the mood.

Insides and Outsides

2009-03-04T14:04:00.006-07:00

I have Trisha to thank for this post. She had this little quote on her blog and it was quite profound:

"Don't compare your insides to other people's outsides." One of the big mistakes we make as people is we compare ourselves and what we feel inside (frantic, inadequate, worried and all other types of emotions) to the way people act on the outside and we find ourselves thinking they have it all together and we fall short. So do what's comfortable for you on the inside and learn to keep the perspective of what things really are.

Courtesy: Total Transformation

That is one cool statement. So many of us get hung up on a few things:
1. Our low self-opinions.
2. What we believe someone else is thinking (which is generally NOT correct).
3. The actions of other people.

Jesus offered this advice:

1 Sam. 16: 7 But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.

Alma 18: 32 And Ammon said: Yea, and he looketh down upon all the children of men; and he knows all the thoughts and intents of the heart; for by his hand were they all created from the beginning.

Heavenly Father would never come up to me and say, "Lance, you're a dork. You look like an idiot, you have ugly hair, your breath smells, and you are worthless!" Those negative thoughts come from another source. Instead, He gently persuades me to do good and to change my bad habits by "loving me into submission".

We'd be a lot kinder to ourselves if we could only see all the good we've accomplished throughout our lives; if we could see our inner and outer selves with the clarity with which He sees us. Unfortunately, our memories are limited not only by our human natures, but by our ability to give in to negative thoughts. All of us have issues with things which seem to fog up our spiritual glasses now and again.

Don't be so hard on yourself!

The Great Equalizer

2009-02-26T10:46:00.003-07:00

We have a young man in our ward who I call "The Great Equalizer." He's one of those boys who everyone likes and everyone gets along with. He's not overbearing and doesn't have to be the center of attention, he's just himself. Every single young man and woman in our ward considers him a friend. He's extremely talented, but never flaunts it. He can play about 5 different musical instruments, and all of them fairly well. On top of that he's an Eagle Scout....and only 14 years old.

We asked Bryce 2 years ago what he would think if we had another child. His eyes got real wide and for many months later he'd make comments like, "I just don't think I could take another kid in this house." or "It would drive me crazy!" I admit to similar feelings as well.

Nonetheless, Lisa felt prompted that we needed another child. After poking ourselves with a proverbial cattle prod, we pushed aside our misgivings and Marshall was born in March 2008.

This little boy has become our own Little Equalizer. He has brought our family together like we never dreamed. The kids ban together and take care of him, and, to this day, still stand in line to hold and play with him. He melts our hearts with a smile that lights up his entire face.

Two weeks ago we went to the Draper Temple open house. As we walked through the temple, I carried Marshall for part of the way. I noticed that every time we passed a picture of the Savior, he'd reach out his arm and point with his stubby little finger. He didn't do that with all the pictures, no, just the ones of Jesus. Such a darn cute boy. Our little equalizer.

Fanny-Hone-Eening

2009-02-24T11:23:00.004-07:00

4 weeks ago we noticed our kids were constantly bickering with one another. They were at each other's throats and yelling and teasing and being mean. You know, weeping, wailing, gnashing of teeth, backbiting, and all other forms of devilish behavior.

Lisa and I talked about what to do and I remembered a priesthood lesson we had a few months back. Each person in the room had to say something nice about everyone in the room. It turned out to be one of the most spiritual lessons we've ever had.

So we sat down for Fanny-Hone-Eening (Family Home Evening) and made the kids say one nice thing or something they liked about a sibling. It was a loooooong FHE. Took Mitchell a solid 5 minutes to say something nice about Mallory. Nonetheless, they all did it and were visibly sheepish at the end of the night. So we continued this each Monday night for the last month. Each week it became easier and easier for them to say nice things about each other. Last night's FHE was especially good. Previous weeks we had made specific assignments. That is, Bryce had to say something nice about Blake. The next week Bryce had to say something nice about Mitchell, and then Mallory the next week and so on. This time, all of them said something nice about EVERYONE. It's neat to see the change in their behavior when they are forced to think of and SAY nice things about each other.

A Monkey and a Turkey

2009-02-20T13:19:00.005-07:00

So this past week the New York Post ran a cartoon of a dead, bullet-riddled monkey and two cops, one of which says, "They'll have to find someone else to write the next stimulus bill."

People took offense at this and accused the Post of racism, claiming that they are comparing President Obama to a monkey. They protested in front of the Post building for days until they issued an apology. I'm not defending the Post. I don't even like the Post very much.

Those folks chose to take offense. Offense is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone else. We have our agency - a gift and capacity for independent action and choice. There are things to act and things to be acted upon. We are the former.

Then there's the story of Victoria Ruvolo. Her attacker, Ryan Cushing, stole a credit card and went on a shopping spree. After purchasing a 20-pound frozen turkey, he tossed the bird out of his car window straight into Victoria's oncoming windshield. It smashed her face completely. She endured 6 hours of surgery while doctors placed metal plates to reconstruct her face as well as years of therapy. But as Victoria faced her attacker in the court room, this is what happened and what she said:

According to an account in the New York Post, Cushing carefully and tentatively made his way to where Ruvolo sat in the courtroom and tearfully whispered an apology. ‘I’m so sorry for what I did to you.’ Ruvolo then stood, and the victim and her assailant embraced, weeping. She stroked his head and patted his back as he sobbed, and witnesses, including a Times reporter, heard her say, ‘It’s OK. I just want you to make your life the best it can be.’ According to accounts, hardened prosecutors, and even reporters, were choking back tears.

Poetic that both these stories came from the same newspaper? I don't know.

But when you take offense, you're allowing someone else to control your actions. You are choosing to be acted upon. You are, in fact, losing some of your moral agency through that choice. And when we withhold forgiveness, the great God of heaven withholds it from us. We are, in essence, turning away the Savior's atonement, away from the Savior himself, as if we have the "right" to expect justice, when what we really deserve is nothing.

Wolves and Sheep (and Sheepdogs)

2009-02-11T12:25:00.003-07:00

My dad was in a car accident when I was young. His van flipped several times on some highway in the middle of Wyoming. He'd be dead if he didn't have his seat belt on. While I have only been in 2 car accidents my whole life, I wear my seat belt all the time. The probability of getting in an accident is SUPER low, when you look at the thousands upon thousands of hours I spend at the wheel. I also have a fire extinguisher and smoke alarms in my house. How many homes burn down each year in the United States? It's got to be some insanely low number, I am sure. Yet I still prepare for those possibilities. I keep my hunting backpack, complete with a sleeping bag and 72-hour kit in my car. As well as snow gloves, boots, and a winter hat. What are the chances I will ever need those things? Again, very low. It's the same with a lot of things we do in life. We prepare for the worst, but always hope for the best because the worst is so UNlikely to happen.

The extreme majority of people in the world are good people. The murder rate in Utah is about 2.3 per 100,000 people. The US average is more like 4.8 per 100,000 (2005). With over 300 million Americans, about 1.4 million become victims of violent crime. That's less than one half of one percent. As I look at these numbers it becomes evident that some people are sheep and some people are wolves. Sheep do not generally possess violent natures. Wolves do.

I consider myself neither of the above. I am a peaceful person. I do not cause mayhem or commit crime. I obey the laws of this land. But the ability to be aggressive is within me. I could not stand by and let someone harm me or my family. I prowl the figurative 'perimeter' of my home, sniffing the wind and watching for the wolves to appear.

As I was watch various episodes of '24', I have no problem picking out the bad guy or seeing bad things before they happen. Lisa commented on this and said something like, "You're just always looking for the worst to happen in these shows." Not totally true. I just see them coming and can't help commenting. Then I mentioned that it just seemed to be built into me that I watch out for bad things. It's not that I create bad things, I just want to be protected against them when they happen. It doesn't matter where I am, I am always vigilant for anything out of place.

A lot of sheep don't like my mentality. They see me as alarmist or slightly paranoid. Maybe that definition is slightly true. But I don't do it because I think everyone is a bad person, I just do it because I don't like wolves. I don't like the way in which they victimize or take advantage of the weak and I believe I possess the ability to protect them and myself.

As Dave Grossman quoted in the link below, there is nothing morally superior about being a sheepdog; it's just what I choose to be. While some folks might run away from the bad guys, I look forward to engaging them and seeing them brought to justice.

The basis for a lot of the sentiment in this post stems from an article that can be found here.

24 Reasons to Like 24

2009-02-09T14:37:00.009-07:00

Lisa and I stayed up until 1 AM last night finishing the 2nd season of '24'. We haven't been this crazy about a show since 'ALIAS'. Before that it was 'X-Files'.

Lisa started watching them first on the treadmill every day, then I became hooked. We tried to limit our viewing to a single episode per night once the kids were in bed, but that limitation has quickly gone out the window. I don't just want to be like Jack Bauer when I grow up, I want to be Jack Bauer when I grow up. Either Jack or Chuck Norris...I can't decide which one is tougher. If Jack Bauer and Chuck Norris were ever in the same room, all of the elements of the earth would spontaneously implode or generate a black hole or something.

So here we go...these are all original, made up by yours truly.

1. Jack Bauer was tortured to death and then came back to life and killed his torturers.

2. Jack Bauer has already saved the world. Twice.

3. Jack can shoot 87 bullets out of a gun that only holds 15 rounds.

4. Jack carries enough ammunition in his pockets to hold off the 3rd Infantry for hours.

5. Jack can save his daughter's life several times over WHILE saving the world.

6. When Jack Bauer says, "I give you my word", it's as good as gold.

7. Jack can fly a plane AND a helicopter.

8. Jack can fly an airplane WITH a nuclear bomb aboard, jump out 5 minutes before it crashes, and live to tell the tale.

9. Jack's real name is Kiefer. It just sounds cool.

10. Lisa says that watching Jack Bauer makes you run faster and sweat more.

11. Not sure what she means by that...

12. When Jack jumps into water, he doesn't get wet; the water gets Jack.

13. Jack sleeps with BOTH eyes open...while running.

14. Jack doesn't require food, he absorbs nutrients from the life surrounding him.

15. The only person anyone should ever really trust is Jack Bauer.

16. I can come up with 24 things about 24 but cannot come up with 25 Random Things on Facebook.

17. Probably because Jack Bauer is way cooler than Facebook.

18. Jack Bauer doesn't kill anyone who doesn't absolutely deserve it.

19. Even the President of the United States wants to be Jack Bauer.

20. If the President trusts Jack more than his own wife and chief of staff, shouldn't American currency be changed to say "In Jack We Trust"???

21. When Jack Bauer dies, his ashes will be used as a biological weapon.

22. Jack Bauer was never born; he was spawned from the depths of a volcano.

23. Jack Bauer was baptized into the LDS Church, I swear it!

24. Watching 24 with your wife will improve your marriage and make your children more obedient.

I am, in no way, suggesting that Jack Bauer is tougher than Chuck Norris. They are 2 forces of nature that should never exist on the same continent.

Engrish

2009-02-05T00:04:00.003-07:00

I love the English language. It is very flexible and quite easy to express exactly what I want to say. Although I'm a little rusty, I consider myself fluent in Spanish. And since they are SO similar, I can understand (not speak) Portuguese, Italian, and a little French. I can also tell you that expressing myself in English takes less words than in any of these other languages.

I write a little poetry. I don't like to read it, probably because there is SO much bad poetry out there. I don't write it often, but when I do it takes a long time for me to complete a poem. I think that's partially because of the way I/we think. When I discover an idea for a poem, it generally comes as some vast piece of inspiration which has many facets and branches. Writing the actual poem is a way of shortening and giving definition to those larger ideas.

I never have an ending in mind when I write...usually just that bit of inspiration. The purpose of my writing is to bring the ending into being.

I also like to think about balance when I write. This even applies to love letters that I write to my wife on her birthday or anniversary. I read it over and over and over and re-write it until it just flows out of my mouth and "feels" right.

When I start writing, I usually write down ALL the inspiration I have about that subject and then edit the piece as I go. And I try to save the most powerful insight for the end of the story or poem. It's like the punchline of a great joke, as some great poet said.

Someday soon I'll write another sample of something I've been working on for a while. You may not like it, but I don't write for others; I mostly write for myself.

Listening Skills and One-Upping

2009-02-04T09:24:00.002-07:00

Yesterday, on my Facebook status, I wrote that I hated "one-uppers" and that I wanted people to call me on it if I ever do it to them. What is "One-Upping" you ask? Lemme 'splain. No, no, there is too much. Lemme sum up...with a few examples. I work with the young men in my ward and am often privy to their conversations during activities and camp outs, etc. The typical conversation starts out with someone asking a benign question like this:

"Hey, Mark, how was swimming today?"

To which they will respond, "Pretty good. Swam the 400 freestyle in 4-and-a-half minutes."

"Serious!? Dude, I swam the 400 in under 4 minutes LAST year!"

"Well, I was tired today because I didn't get much sleep last night."

"Hmm" or "You suck" is a typical response.

And the bad feelings and defensiveness begins. The entire night is then filled with them one-upping each other about this or that. And they don't even realize they are doing it. If I try to call their attention to it, they claim that is the way they talk to each other and that there are really no bad feelings, which I don't believe for a second. One time I told them that it was equal to bragging. They looked at me like I was crazy...as if I didn't know what the definition of "bragging" was.

We'll likely have a lesson in priesthood meeting about this at some point. They will be taught that the better, more Christ-like conversation will go something like this:

"Hey, Mark, how was swimming today?"

"Pretty good. Swam the 400 freestyle in 4-and-a-half minutes."

"Serious? Dude, that's great! What's you record for that event?"

"Like 4:45."

"Cool. So what's your favorite stroke in swimming?"

Etc., etc.

But I've also heard other conversations where someone is telling about something that happened to them and before the person can even finish their last sentence, someone else is chiming in, starting another story that is even more outrageous than the previous.

And so on and so forth.

A good listener is hard to find these days. I am not the best listener, but I will try to be better in the future. If I ever "one-up" you, please make me aware of it. This world needs a more sympathetic and concerned collective ear.

Earl Matthew Pearson

2009-02-03T12:10:00.003-07:00

My paternal grandfather was born November 19, 1926.
He died February 1, 2001.

He served as a United States Marine for 3 years and served on Guadalcanal Island in WWII. For that service, his entire division received a Bronze Star with a Silver Cluster. He also received the Bronze Star for himself, as well as a Purple Heart.

He then served with the United States Army for 20 years and received the Defense Meritorious Service Medal and was honorably discharged.

Earl was 15 years of age when Japan attacked Pearl Harbor. I am not sure what effect that had on his life or his decision to serve in the military, but I'm sure it swayed his decision somewhat.

For many years after his military service, grandpa worked the night shift for some company. Seemed like he was always sleeping when we went to his house. He loved trains. In fact, his entire basement was a model-train city. No, it was more than a city. It was several cities. He had mountains with tunnels and little towns along the way. The train traveled nearly the entire width and length of his basement - right through the walls. There were rare moments when we got to see the trains function. Grandpa had a big sound system built into the basement that brought the entire thing to life. It was just the continuous sound of a train whistle and the chug-chug of a steam engine. VERY COOL!

I used to mow my grandpa's lawn in the summer. He'd paid me $10 and that included trimming the edges and pruning the bushes. I thought he paid me too much. One Saturday there was a lot of extra stuff to do around the yard and he paid me $20. I balked but he was always gracious and thankful.

One of my sisters was born on November 10, which happens to be the birthday of the United States Marine Corps. Grandpa referred to her as "Marine Corps Pearson."

Earl was a gruff man, but he could man a great BBQ. His barbecue was in the shape of a big steel, steam engine train and the smoke came right out the top of the train. Later in life grandpa bought an above-ground swimming pool. We swam in it often and enjoyed being around the Pearson grandparents. Both grandma and grandpa smoked for most of their lives. Grandma cigarettes, grandpa pipes. Had they not smoked, they'd have lived longer than their 70-some-odd years. They lived hard lives.

We'd always spend Christmas Day at their house. I mean, the WHOLE day.

Lisa and I were recently able to take his name to the temple and have him sealed to his parents and their parents to their parents, etc., etc., you get the picture. It was a nice experience. I loved Grandpa Pearson. I can still hear his big belly laugh and I even do a mean imitation of it, if I do say so myself!

Newlyweds

2009-01-28T08:59:00.004-07:00

I got home from my mission in September 1994. Around 70 days later, I was married to my lover. Our relationship was still wonderful and we seemed to pick up right where we left off.

Our first little home was a basement apartment on 9th East. We paid $350 a month in rent and that included utilities! The house was built during World War II. Were people short back then or something? All of the door frames were 6 feet tall, which meant I had to duck to get around the house. And the duct work for the furnace was even lower than that. I had many a goose egg in that house. The bathroom was so compact that when I sat on the terlet, I either had to put my legs in the shower or out the bathroom door. Don't get me started on the shower head. It was built at navel level....for me, anyway.

The ward was one we called "Newly Wed and Nearly Dead". Half the people were our same age and the other half were 75. The primary was nearly non-existent, but Lisa and I were called to teach one of the few classes there were...the 10-11 year old kids. They were cute kids and well-behaved.

We lived there about 9 months. It was a wonderful time. Lisa and I went on long walks through those old neighborhoods with 50-foot tall maple, oak, and sycamore trees. We'd walk to the corner 7-11 and get Slurpees and play tennis at Granite High School. All of our furniture was purchased at garage sales for around $100. We had a single couch and a recliner in the living room and a glass-top table in the kitchen where we ate dinner. I remember typing college papers at Lisa's old desk with her electric typewriter. We'd listen to the clock radio every morning as we got ready for school or work. Back then it was KISN 97. If you were a real rebel you listened to KJQ, which I did, at times.

On my 22nd birthday I came home from work and opened my present from Lisa. It was a positive pregnancy test. Now that I think about it, that was kind of gross, if you know what I mean. But it was SO much fun. That was when we decided that a one-room apartment was WAY too small. We needed a real house. When I got home from my mission I was assigned to be a home teacher with Bob Henrdickson. He was a top-notch guy. Drove us all around the valley looking for houses. We found one in Taylorsville that we really loved and we put an offer on the house and got it. Then the realtor selling the house died in a fiery explosion in his home. The home was turned over to the bankruptcy court and we were force to go to court and re-bid on the home. Some yucky lady was there and bid on it as well. As soon as the bidding reached $83,000, I quit. I told her, "You can have it. The place isn't even WORTH that much!"

We were ticked.

So we decided to build our own house. Well, not exactly. We hired a builder to build it. We did a few things in the house, like the oak railings, in order to save some money.

Then, right as we were about to close on the loan for our $107,500 house, the federal government ran out of money for the 1995 budget year. Since our loan was an FHA loan, that meant we were stuck until they figured something out. Our paperwork was literally sitting on some underwriter's desk, ready for closing, but held up. We were anxious. We closed on the house about a year after we were married and lived there for 4.5 years. It was a great little neighborhood with great people.

Another funny story about that first apartment. It was the day before Lisa and I moved out. We had cleaned the place from top to bottom and moved most our stuff over to her parents house. We had unplugged the fridge and gone to bed. Then, in the middle of the night, we heard an insanely loud CRASH!!! I thought someone had burst through our front door. I sat up in bed and in the manliest, meanest voice I could muster yelled out "WHO'S THERE!!!???!!!" Five minutes passed and there were no other noises to be heard. I nervously grabbed my baseball bat and headed into the kitchen. The kitchen floor was wet. In the center of the room sat a huge chunk of ice. What the????? It had become dislodged from the freezer we unplugged earlier and fell hard enough to knock open the freezer door and slide across the room.

Fun, fun stuff.

Blog Stats

2009-01-27T11:46:00.004-07:00

I have been blogging enough now that I have actually compiled some statistics about my blogging habits. I hate the words "blog" and "blogging". It sounds gross to me. And don't use the proper form of the word...weblog. That's even worse. So here goes:

Monday posts: 19 (18.4%)
Tuesday posts: 21 (20.3%)
Wednesday posts: 15 (14.5%)
Thursday posts: 19 (18.4 %)
Friday posts: 23 (22.3%)
Saturday posts: 3 (2.9%)
Sunday posts: 3 (2.9%)

The largest portion of posting has occurred on Fridays. Maybe that's because Friday is my favroite day of the week? Tuesdays, Mondays and Thursdays have the next most posts. Not sure why. I rarely post on the weekend. That is quite telling. Most of my posts happen when I am at work. Does that tell you a little about where my priorities are right now? My weekends are precious to me and my job is...well, my job. Er....."career".

When do you tend to blog the most? What time of day are you most awake and alert? When do your creative juices flow?

Texting

2009-01-22T12:26:00.003-07:00

I'm sort of hip. I said SORT OF. I'm not super old yet and can still relate a little to the younger generation. Heck, I even text message my priests every week to let them know the time and place for our activity each week.

Currently my business phone gets charged 15 cents for each text. Incoming or outgoing, it doesn't matter. 15 cents. So this story got me a little perturbed when I learned that phone companies pay VERY little to send those text messages. So little, in fact, that over 99% percent of what they charge you is pure profit in their slimy, grubby little hands.

http://tech.yahoo.com/blogs/null/114665

Either my dumb company needs to negotiate better rates or I'll be cutting back on those blasted texts.

Vice is a Monster

2009-01-20T14:47:00.010-07:00

"Vice is a monster of so frightful mien,
As to be hated needs but to be seen;
Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face,
We first endure, then pity, then embrace."

~Alexander Pope, 'Essay on Man', Epistle II, section V~

The above excerpt goes well with this scripture from the Old Testament: Isaiah 5: 20 "Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!"

The scriptures define a lot of sinful behavior, which is overly abundant today, according to a prophet. In fact, some civilizations which have been destroyed by God in ancient times were even less sinful than we are now. That's a little scary, but it also denotes the fact that there must be a lot of righteous people living on the earth. Hence, we, as a people, are not RIPE for destruction. That's comforting, I guess. But if we hang around sinful behavior too long we begin to pity the sin itself and eventually embrace it as acceptable. Each murder we hear about on the news becomes less and less stinging. Seeing and hearing about sexual themes in television and movies cheapens the true purpose behind sex which is to create children. Marriage was an institution created by God, NOT mankind. HE defined marriage as between a man and woman and, as far as I know, has not seen fit to alter that definition. Yet those who defended that heavenly-defined thing in supporting Proposition 8 were seen as evil, hateful, and prejudiced.

Sexual sin makes lots of people very wealthy. It surrounds us and permeates the media. I saw a commercial the other day where a pretty woman was seen blowing kisses and making suggestive poses at some unseen person in the background. Turned out to be a cow. It was a commercial for Angus beef hamburgers from Arctic Circle. What hamburgers and sex have to do with one another is beyond me.

Satan seeks to cheapen and dilute marriage. Why? A critical point to our beliefs and to the Plan of Salvation was that all God's *spirit children come to the earth to receive a body. I believe this number is *finite. When that number is reached and there are no more spirits waiting to come to earth, the Second Coming can occur and Satan's reign on earth will be through and he will be bound for 1,000 years. By wrecking the family, re-defining marriage, and cheapening sex, he is, in effect, lengthening out his time here on the earth. The more humankind participates in sexual deviancy, thus postponing the creation of children, the more souls he will gain.

You may ask, "How does sexual deviancy equate to a decrease in the number of children born on the earth? Wouldn't it increase that number???"

Let's think about it. Are teenagers who get pregnant outside of wedlock more or less likely to have more children? Studies say less likely because they do not have the support system that traditional marriage would provide. See here.

What about homosexuality? Universal homosexuality would cause the entire human race to die out in a single generation. That's as self-destructive as it gets.

I'm not judging homosexuals, just homosexuality and sexual sin. I count myself a sinner just like everyone else. That's why I go to church each Sunday and try to repent; to become a better person. I'm just stating the facts as they occur to me.

As a bit of a side note this article and this article speak to the increase of multiple births in the world in the last 20 years.

Different Times

2009-01-16T09:30:00.008-07:00

Life was different 25, 30 years ago. The world was still a safe place to be and we rarely locked our doors. We slept outside in the backyard with friends. Heck, sometimes we slept in the front yard. Without a fence! We trick-or-treated by ourselves in the dark and we played night games in the summer until 11 o'clock. We heard about bad things but they seemed to happen in far-off places that I thought I'd never visit.

It was the summer of '83 or '84, so that would make me 10 or 11 years old. Since we lived in the corner of the valley, quite literally a couple miles from corner canyon, my friends and I got a wild hair. We wanted to climb "the mountain." That mountain turned out to be Lone Peak. So, one warm afternoon, Me, Jeff Noall, David Fox, and Scott Espinet decided we were going to get to the top of that mountain. I don't think we took much of anything with us other than our school backpacks loaded with some water and a little snack. Oh, and my mom's HUGE Polaroid camera. We hiked and hiked and hiked and once the day was half over, we decided we should stop and take some pictures and head back down the mountain. To this day I can get onto Google Earth and point out almost our exact location. It was pretty high; about 8,880 feet above sea level. It was nearly 5 miles of walking, as far as I can gather; maybe 2 hours from the top. That's saying something for 10 year-old kids. I still have one of those pictures floating around somewhere. I think we were holding up our knives like we had conquered a grizzly bear. Or Mount Everest.

Later in the summer we decided to go back up that mountain and have us a campout! We grabbed sleeping bags and walking sticks and a few matches and took off. The face of a mountain is not an easy place to sleep. We hiked pretty high again and found a decent spot for camping. We set up our sleeping bags and were well on our way to a cozy night under the stars.

Then we shuddered as the sky across the valley became streaked with lightning.

It was near dark when the rain and wind kicked up. Since we had no tents, we decided to head back home. We said a quick prayer and hiked down the mountain in the pouring rain, in the dark. Without the light of the moon or stars, we could not trace our same "trail" back down. What am I talking about? There was no trail! We blazed our own trail! We literally clawed our way up that mountain through thick scrub oak. Sometimes a game trail provided a little relief. It was crazy. So for the next 2+ hours or so we hiked down that mountain, actually walking in the river that was being created by the deluge. Not smart, what with the possibility of being swept away in a flash flood, but we had no other trail to follow.

I look back after 25 years and realize what a lucky bunch of boys we were. Lucky we didn't perish on that mountain and lucky that we lived in a world where a parent could let their 10 year-old sons hike up a mountain in the summer without too much worry (or any adult supervision). We could take our BB guns and .22 rifles into the hills and shoot at potguts or squirrels or targets for hours and hours. We'd catch lizards in "the gully" or snakes on top of the old airport hill. And we rode our bikes EVERYWHERE. When we were REAL energetic we'd ride down to Frank's in Draper and get some soda or candy and then get some surgical tubing from the pharmacy and make Water Weenies. You'd plug the end with the end of a clicky-top pen and clip of the other end shut after you'd filled it with water. Seemed like those things could shoot a million miles.

Our house in Sandy was a multi-level home, so it was pretty tall if you were at the highest window. Sean and I used to place the trampoline directly underneath the highest bathroom window. Then we'd take every spare pillow and blanket we could find and pile it onto the tramp. Then, no kidding, we'd swan dive out of the window onto the trampoline. If we were real daring we'd do a suicide jump. That was where you dive headfirst and then turn onto your back at the last second before impact.

You'd think I grew up in Sandy, what with all the experiences and stories. We only lived there for about 18 months.

The world has changed SO much since I was young. There is no way in hades I would allow my 10 year-old children to do some of the things I did. Are we overprotective of our kids these days? Are we depriving them of skills and knowledge? Perhaps the cost of obtaining those same skills has become too high?

We Fear What We Don't Understand

2009-01-09T14:48:00.007-07:00

Our greatest fear as a human race is death. Why? Because we don't understand it. Those who have a knowledge of the resurrection are less likely to fear death because we know that the demise of our physical bodies is not the end of our existence. I have been to many funerals and seen a number of dead bodies in my lifetime. The physical body is nothing but a shell. Without the spirit, the body is nothing; a bunch of dirt and various elements that will return to the ground from whence they came.

Recently someone left a comment on one of my posts that made me think. That comment alone is responsible for this entry in the Great Blogosphere. It was in reference to this post from last year. Here is the comment:

"Don't get all gun nutz on me but seriously, how many people are you planning to kill with 10 YEARS of ammunition?! You know all your bullets are just going to burn up during the second coming."

I will address each of this poster's concerns.

1. "Don't get all gun nutz on me..."

First and foremost he/she has put me onto the defensive. And that's fine. To those who did not grow up around or have never handled a firearm, those who DO use firearms can be perceived as crazy or rednecked or somewhat unbalanced. It's a guilt-by-association mentality because they see guns as the things that kill people. Simple as that. In reality, people kill people. If we didn't have access to firearms then we'd use some other instrument to cause death: knives, poison, etc. Having grown up around and used guns my whole life, I know how they function, I know how to use them and they are only scary in the hands of the inexperienced. They are a tool, like any other I own, with a specific purpose.

2. "...how many people are you planning to kill with 10 YEARS of ammunition?!"

I am being honest when I say "Hopefully, none. Ever." I don't own guns because I am out looking for a fight. If anything, feeling that gun on my hip each day makes me hyper-aware of scary situations and helps me avoid problems in the first place. 99.9999% of all of my ammunition will be used to punch holes in little white targets. I hope the other .0001% of that ammo is used for deer or elk. And have you seen the price of ammo these days??? Holy shnikees. It's gone the way of gasoline.

3. "You know all your bullets are just going to burn up during the second coming."

I am counting on that. Meanwhile, however, I, as husband and father to 6 people depending on me, have been given specific responsibilities. 1 Timothy 5:8 says: "But if any provide not for his own, and especially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel." D&C 134:11 states: "...we believe that all men are justified in defending themselves, their friends, and property, and the government, from the unlawful assaults and encroachments of all persons in times of exigency, where immediate appeal cannot be made to the laws, and relief afforded."

Every prayer I utter contains a version of this phrase: "Please protect my wife and children from harm this day, while I am away. Keep them safe and allow them yet another day on this earth."

This is not a kind world we live in. It is increasingly polarized. We see great deeds of love and service and the most evil and vile sins committed against each other. It is my responsibility to protect and defend my family. Nephi, Ammon, Moroni, and Peter defended their homes and families "...even unto bloodshed."(Alma 43:47) That is something I take seriously as a holder of the Priesthood of God. And when the Day comes when Jesus reigns again on the earth, I will be glad that my "swords" will be melted with fervent heat and turned into some useful farming instrument. I welcome it.

But I'd rather walk around with a gun on my hip every single day of my life and never need it, than cry in anguish from the results of not having it in a SINGLE time of need.

Christmas in the Dark

2009-01-08T08:50:00.005-07:00

We told our kids that if they woke us up before 6:30 on Christmas Morning, there would be much wailing, gnashing of teeth, death and destruction, yada, yada, yada.

At about 5:45 we could hear all of them talking in Mallory's room. They were trying to be patient, and we appreciated the sleep. So at precisely 6:30 we headed downstairs to the kids' tree, where Santa left the presents. We placed a present into each child's lap and told Mallory to begin opening her first gift. She had scarcely done so when POOF! The power went out. A massive storm had started the night before and we had big drifts of snow on the porch and over a foot in the driveway.

So we grabbed our emergency candles and flashlight and had Christmas Morning by candlelight.

This camera does not take good lowlight pictures.

I Never Doubted

2009-01-06T15:32:00.007-07:00

You know I'm a Ute fan, as manifest by this post made last year.

As soon as it was announced that Utah would play Alabama in the Sugar bowl, I doodled on my notebook here at work and did that same analysis for those two teams.

My results were as follows:

Utah scored more overall points throughout the year than Alabama.
Utah's games resulted in a larger spread of points than Alabama.
Alabama held their opponents to lower scores than Utah.

These results tell me a few things:

Utah has a better offense than 'Bama.
Utah has a great defense.
'Bama has a great defense.

But none of 'Bama's qualities came into the equation in the game. They were outplayed at every turn. Their QB was harassed to throw that ball EVERY time. Their QB was sacked 8 times. 8 TIMES. Utah held them to 31 rushing yards.

And Alabama's defense was rated so highly.

Whatev.

Utah remains undefeated. No other team in the country can say that. Utah is the best team in the nation. Period.

Pearson Party Palace

2009-01-02T15:53:00.003-07:00

Generally we have a few Christmas parties at our house each year. This year was exceptionally crazy. There were MANY more parties at other places, which made it seem like a really insane year.

Pearson/Mackay (extended family) Christmas party: November 29th.
Pioneer Trek reunion dinner: December 13th.
Pearson family Christmas party: December 21st.
Yearly Youth Planning Meeting (church): December 27th.
New Year's Day Pearson/Mackay party: January 1st.

Here's a pic of what the basement looked like for party #3:

Excluding our trek reunion, we averaged about 40 people for each party. It's great to have a spacious room for all these events, and a full basement kitchen helps, but I think we'll cut back next year. :-)

Random Crap

2008-12-19T10:36:00.000-07:00

A friend does this on her blog sometimes and it made me start thinking of really random stuff in my life.

1. When our children were smaller I bathed them and got them ready for bed every night. It was my daddy job.
2. I 'tuck' my children into bed most nights and we talk and I tell them I love them before shutting their doors and turning off the light.
3. Unless I am frustrated with them that night, then it's a muffled "mrfltew...grrr" when I leave their room.
4. All of them still use the phrase 'tuck me in'.
5. I carry a .45 caliber handgun with me everywhere I go, every day.
6. Nobody ever sees it and 99% of the population will never know about it.
7. I can bake a mean potato roll, but I am my worst judge.
8. My current sleep pattern is atrocious...midnight to 6 AM-ish.
9. I have ammunition in my house for guns I do not own.
10. That is really strange.
11. I fear for my job in this strange economy but understand my company is more stable than most.
12. Because everybody has to buy groceries....even poor people.
13. I can't stand Kurt Bestor.
14. I can't listen to most modern LDS music...too cheesy.
15. I enjoy classical music....soothes my savage beast.
16. It generally only takes me about 30 minutes to hang the Christmas lights on our house.
17. I am trying to stop cursing when I drive. I catch myself saying something mean about another driver and say out loud, "I'm sorry. I'm sure you're not really a jerk. I am sure you're a nice person, maybe even a bishop or a relief society president."
18. My priest quorum advisor and I took 1 priest to see a play for our activity on Wednesday night. We saw Babes In Toyland - A New Musical at the Empress Theatre (Canadian spelling) in Magna.
19. It was DANG cold that night because the heater in my van sucketh.
20. We didn't get that priest home until after 10 PM.
21. I LOVE A&W French fries....more than McDonald's even.
22. I am in a generally frustrated mood today.
23. I am working from home and will miss our company Christmas lunch.
24. That's not necessarily a bad thing, usually.
25. When I work from home, sometimes I don't shower until 2 PM.
26. Our dryer hose is clogged up, so currently we open the laundry room door and chuck the exhaust hose onto the porch....even in frigid weather.
27. Like right now.
28. My kids like to help me roll up the little crescents when I bake.
29. I like sweets...as long as it's mixed with a little saltiness.
30. I am trying to do a liquid fast today...stomach feels gross.
31. My children give thanks for my job in their prayers.
32. I give thanks for my job every single day.
33. Lisa will only get 1 Christmas present she doesn't know about this year.
34. Marshall's sleeping habits are mimicking his father's.
35. I really love my uncle Jimmy and aunt Connie. I think they're 2 of the most wonderful people on this planet.
36. Mallory is singing a song about winter right now that she learned in kinny-garten.
37. My neighbor's little dog nipped at my heels as I took out the garbage last night.
38. My neighbor's little dog nearly attacked me one morning ON MY OWN PORCH as I went out to get the paper. Seriously, that dog...
39. I hope it snows BUCKET loads today.
40. If it does, I won't have to drive downtown tonight.

Christmas Bonus

2008-12-18T15:29:00.002-07:00

I'm no Clark Griswold. My Christmas bonus has never equaled anything close to his. That said, each year my company trucks in a pallet of groceries from Denver and each employee gets a sack full. You can guess which company I work for by the bag. It's usually pretty good stuff too...olive oil, gourmet cookies, sauces and soups, pasta sauce, salsa, etc. And it's all the "company" brand, which is high quality stuff.

It's something I look forward to every year!

Neighbor Gifts

2008-12-16T07:48:00.003-07:00

Lisa used to be part of a cookie exchange where each participant (usually about 15 people) made 15 dozen of a specific gourmet cookie or treat. Then they'd all come together and exchange a dozen of their cookies for a dozen of someone else's cookies. So we'd end up with 15 dozen assorted gourmet cookies to give to neighbors or whatever.

That was when we had 2 kids.

Increased age begets more friends. At least it SHOULD. This year we aren't baking a dang thing. Nada. Zilch. Zip. We compiled a few of our favorite Christmas stories and placed them into little folders for the neighbors. We also have some of these to give away:

Accompanied by this poem that I wrote:

His tiny body, wrapped so tight,
In royal bands of blue and white,
Came to this world, in a stable bare,
To free mankind from every care.

To this end was He born:
Pure blood spilt; his vestments torn.
And laid to rest, wrapped tight once more,
He rose a King; His life restored.

This gift we give, a symbol see,
Of love imparted from Calvary.
This cloth of red to bring to mind,
The Redeemer, Savior, Brother kind.

~Lance~

Memorable Quotes

2008-12-12T10:25:00.002-07:00

Some of my favorite quotes:

"Guess what!? I got a fever! And the only prescription is more cowbell!"
~Christopher Walken as Bruce Dickinson~

"William! Get your mother the paper, if you can. Haulin' that gargantuan cranium about." ~Stuart Mackenzie, 'So, I Married an Axe Murderer'

"Now, what I'm-a do, is I'm-a take this right foot and I'm-a put it 'cross the left side yo face!" ~Major Payne

"So...you like....stuff?"
~Ralph Wiggins

"Then I'm the cock of the walk!"
~Darrell Hammond as Sean Connery

"Well! Finally those capitalist pigs will pay for their crimes, eh comrades? Eh?"
~Austin Powers

Got any quotes you'd like to share?

Cheap Dates

2008-12-06T15:05:00.002-07:00

My wife and I have never been super at dating. We go out a lot, but more often it's with friends. Recently we decided that we needed to go out on at LEAST 2 ONE-ON-ONE dates per month, more like 3 if I can help it. We quickly realized how expensive dating can be even without hiring a babysitter (thank heavens for that 12-year old). So we had to come up with some creative ways of improving our relationship.

Here are a few examples of our dates-of-late:

Ice Cream at Cold Stone: It's away from the house and doesn't cost any more than $10.

Matinee movie: Cheaper than evening movie.

Restaurants where a tip is not required, like Bajio or Chik-Fil-A (and they both have great coupons to save you bundles).

Something we did today was really cool. We called our favorite Mexican restaurant and ordered takeout. It cost $21.50 for a HUGE amount of food, PLUS chips and salsa. We didn't have to pay for drinks at $2.50 each OR give a tip to anyone. Then we brought the food home and ate in our little dining room in the basement while we sent the children upstairs to play. Even with the kids goofing off upstairs, it was quieter than the restaurant and we had one-on-one time for 45 minutes and didn't worry about kids or the baby. I also got to drink a can of Pepsi Max, which NO restaurant keeps in stock. DEE-lish.

Honestly, I love dating my wife in this creative way because neither of us have any guilt about spending so DARN much money and it makes things fun.

What sort of creative dates to you prefer?

Memory

2008-12-05T11:57:00.003-07:00

"Tu Pupila es Azul" was what I called it. It was the first Spanish I ever learned. It was actually a poem that my brother had to memorize for his junior high Spanish class. So I memorized it too.

Rima XIII - Gustavo Adolfo Bécquer
Tu pupila es azul, y cuando ríes,
su claridad suave me recuerda el trémulo fulgor de la mañana,
que en el mar se refleja.

Your eye [pupil] is blue, and when you laugh,
it's soft clarity reminds me of the tremulous brilliance of the morning,
that is reflected in the sea.

There's more, but you can go look it up.

I still remember the "Presidential Boogie" that I sang in the 5th grade at Sprucewood Elementary, which means I can still name every American President.

Last year I spent a lot of time with the Spanish-speaking missionaries. I taught discussions with them and read the scriptures with investigators and even gave the missionaries rides when it was especially cold. That said, I had no trouble whatsoever conversing with the Latino people we came across...in Spanish. Although my vocabulary has diminished a bit over the years, I've still retained at least 80% of my speaking abilities. I can still bare my testimony and explain Gospel principles in Spanish. I can still read and write in Spanish. My kids look at me and ask, "What are they talking about?" every time I pause on one of those Spanish-speaking channels and will occasionally ask me the translation for some strange word.

I also remember a LOT of what I see in movies. Oftentimes I will say a line to a movie in response to some question, and it is very seldom that anyone picks up on it...unless you are in my family.

All of that aside, I am still fairly forgetful. The other day I called Lisa on my way home from work and asked her if she'd like me to drop a certain item off at my mother's house. "Sure", was her reply. And I promptly forgot. And I was the one who called HER! There are days where I'll be walking out the door for work and Lisa will say, "Don't forget your lunch!" Then I'll grab my lunch and head for the door. Then I set my lunch down to put on my shoes and there my lunch stays. By the door; until Lisa sees it, shakes her head, and puts it back in the fridge for me. I've even called Lisa several times in the same day to ask her what we are doing that evening. I'll call back a 2ND or third time and say, "Hey! We ought to go out to dinner tonight." Then she'll gently remind me about our prior commitment to some other activity. (Love you, Leese!)

I would even wager that I have posted a blog about my forgetfulness before as well. But I forgot.

Petrol, as they say in England.

2008-12-03T10:01:00.004-07:00

I bought gas today for $1.51 a gallon at Sam's Club. My tank read "empty", but it only took 10 gallons to fill it up, which really told me that I still had 3.2 gallons left, since it is a 13.2 gallon tank.

Also, my trip odometer from the last fill-up read exactly 300 miles. Yes, Mathy-Matherson, I get 30 miles per gallon in my little Corolla...around town. I am sure that the mileage is slightly higher with highway miles. Heck, my friggin Escort got closer to 35 miles per gallon (it was a stick-shift).

That said, I still don't understand the huge swings in gas prices. I understand the basics of supply and demand, but come on! I was paying nearly $4.50 a gallon just 6 months ago! You can't tell me that demand or supply has fluctuated THAT MUCH in such a short time. I felt like any more than 3 or 4 gallons was putting a little more stress onto the bank account than I was comfortable with. Now I fill up with gusto, knowing that even on a bone-dry tank I won't exceed $20.

That said, even 5 years ago Canadians were paying $4.50 for their gas. That's $4.50 PER LITRE! (spelled the Canadian way) Today they pay something like .85 Canadian cents per liter.

And what's with diesel fuel??? Diesel takes LESS effort and cost to produce (less refining) than regular gasoline, and yet it still costs $2.50 a gallon??? I remember days IN THIS CENTURY when it cost about .69 cents per gallon! It's like we got raped for a year and just let it happen.

I'm not much for conspiracy theories, but this one smells/looks/tastes like a conspiracy to me. Yes, it smells like poop.

Our Gratitude

2008-11-26T08:27:00.005-07:00

We asked the kids to write down what they were thankful for in FHE the other night. They all sat across the room from one another, so no copying of answers took place. This is straight from their own mouths....er....pens.

Bryce: Parents That Care, Family, Jesus, Heavenly Father, The Priesthood.
Blake: Church, Family, Friends, Heavenly Father, Jesus.
Mitchell: Family, Jesus, School, Legs, Friends.
Mallory: Our House, The Spirit, Jesus, Family, Friends.

Lisa: Family, Gospel, Lance's Job, Health, Freedom.
Lance: Wife, Children, Savior, Freedom, My Job.

We hope that this Thanksgiving holiday you are able to be thankful for something. Or at least that you might recognize the source of your many blessings.

It's a Good Read, OK!?!?!

2008-11-17T13:01:00.002-07:00

A few months ago Lisa read the entire Twilight series. It sounded interesting but hadn't peaked my interest. A love story with vampires...whatever. Then the trailers for the movie came out and I thought it looked even more interesting. Then Bryce had to build a web site for one of his classes at school. With my help, we created his "Edward" web site. Hey, it was for a grade and he got an "A". No big deal.

Well, that book was just sort of floating around the house and I hadn't read anything in quite a while. Itching for a new story, I picked it up and read it. I finished all 4 books in 10 days.

AND FOR ALL YOU MEN OUT THERE WHO WANT TO REVOKE ONE OF MY MAN CARDS, BRING IT ON!

Now, lest you confuse with me with some of those raging fanatics who live, breathe, and die by this story, I assure you I am not a fanatic. The story is genuinely good. Stephenie Meyer writes in such a way that you have no trouble actually feeling the emotions that her characters are going through, which is something you want from a story, right? It's very fluid. Besides, what could be more manly that reading a book about vampires and werewolves???

We have already purchased our tickets to see a Saturday afternoon matinee. Good times.

"It's always great to spend time with the Pearsons." ~Erik Finch~

2008-11-14T12:31:00.011-07:00

These are our dear friends, the Finches:

These photos were taken on our joint family vacation over Halloween 2006 to Disneyland. What a blast!

Lisa got to know Kandice while serving in the young women's presidency together. By default, that is how I got to know Erik. Since then we have been on a few vacations with them and frequently get together for movies, dinner, or just to play cards. In my adult life I have never been able to say that I had a "best friend" that was a guy. While Lisa is my ultimate confidant, Erik is my buddy. We sit next to each other in Ward Council and PEC every Sunday, we go hunting each fall (except 2008), and we camp together with the Boy Scouts. Heck, one Saturday I went over to Erik's and plopped down on the couch and we watched TV for a couple hours. The Finches are definitely the type of friends that we could grow old with.

What makes the relationship even cooler is the age of our children. They have 4 boys and we have 4 boys and 1 girl. The ages of our children go like this: 14, 12, 12, 10, 8, 7, 6, 5, 8 months. Mallory is the odd duck, but she still enjoys spending time with them.

Erik and I laugh. A. Lot. We have serious conversations now and again, but we mostly joke. Even jokes about the other's mother are not off limits. Ever watched the TV show "Scrubs"? Erik is Turk and I am JD. That should make you laugh out loud. If not, go watch Scrubs.

The Finches are good secret keepers. We've been privy to some very trying moments and we have fasted and prayed for each other many times. We've seen children blessed, then baptized and been through the flames of trial together.

The Finches recently came through yet another trial. As we watch them blow away the smoke and sweep up the ashes, we are grateful for these dear people in our lives.

It's always great to spend time with the Finches.

Natalie Tagged Me

2008-11-12T10:16:00.004-07:00

I'm not much for tagging, but this one from Natalie seemed all right, so here goes...

8 shows I like to watch
1. Bones
2. Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
3. The Mentalist
4. Life
5. Dirty Jobs
6. Survivorman
7. Mythbusters
8. House

8 Restaurants where I like to eat
1. La Luna
2. Morelia's
3. Gepetto's
4. The Hungry I (before it closed years ago)
5. Market Street Grill
6. Market Street Broiler
7. Baci
8. Sampan

8 Things that happened today
1. Took my broken laptop to the "fixer" guy here at Safeway...blue screen of death.
2. Took my Metamucil....teaspoon every other day! I know, I'm a geezer.
3. Checked FaceBook from home this AM since my work now blocks that site.
4. Ate from the dollar menu at Del Taco for lunch.
5. Learned that, because of the economy, my company has cut in half what they put into my retirement.
6. Had another conversation with someone about plunging gas prices and the cause thereof.
7. Checked the tread on my tires....they look just fine.
8. Woke up at 8:15 after having little to no sleep for the 3rd night in a row.

8 Things I'm looking forward to
1. This Friday....spending time with the Finches.
2. Saturday...Twilight with my wife and dinner at the new Chik-Fil-A!
3. Rock climbing with the priests tonight at the T-Ville Rec. Center.
4. Seeing my old boss this Friday.
5. Seeing the looks on my kids' faces when they wake up on Christmas.
6. My 14th anniversary next Tuesday.
7. Getting home from work.
8. Gas prices below $1.50 per gallon.

8 things on my wish list
These are just WISHES....not things that are likely to come true. You know, you can wish in one hand...
1. A 12-gauge shotgun.
2. The new Springfield XD(M) in .45 Caliber.
3. A raise or new job that will pay me %50 more than I make now.
4. An IT job with the LDS Church.
5. Enough ammunition to last me 10 years.
6. An easier life for my wife.
7. The ability to buy my wife birthday and Christmas presents without her knowledge.
8. For someone to come and rip out my entire yard; grass, sprinklers and all, and start from scratch. For free.

I'm not going to tag anyone. But feel free to put these on your blog or reply with a comment on mine, if you are so inclined.